Find the place where we escape
Take you with me for a space
The city buzz, sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I had to find just where you are
The faces seems to blur, they’re all the same

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give
Pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

blah

I wish I was on some remote beach with a pink umbrella topped pina colada in my hand. I want to lay in the sun without a worry in my mind. I want to throw off my clothes and run into the ocean and dive into the waves.
But I can't.
Reality..

u

You can't run. You can't hide from God. Everywhere you go, He is there. Your problem travels with you. Your unbelief will haunt you. You can't escape yourself. You can't escape the pain. You won't outrun the shame. A change of scenery doesn't change your heart. You still have to look yourself in the mirror every morning. You still have to stand before the throne one day and account for your actions. I am choosing to stand where I am, and face my fears. Face my issues, face my enemy, head on. I will not run, or hang my head in shame, or retreat. I will stand here as long as it takes. As hard as it is. As painful as it is. It will grow character. It will humble me. It will make me wiser. It will strengthen me.
Choose wisely the path..

josh

Hi husband. I'm sorry I kept you up late last night. Thank you for tolerating me. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for letting me hang with my girlfriends so often. Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for never lying to me. Thank you for being the glue that holds us together. Thank you for adoring me. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love looks like. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your perseverance. Thank you for listening. Thank you for stalking me to keep me in line :). Thank you for caring. Thank you for not running away and leaving me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for your consistency. Thank you for never cheating on me. Thank you for being a faithful Christian. Thank you for forgiveness.
Thank you for loving me.

!!!

Final interview this afternoon at the bank! Last minute notification, barely time to go get my nails done.. I'm so excited and nervous. But confident also.

" Does it kill

Does it burn

Is it painful to learn

That it's me that has all the control"

wt..

More rumors.
Why? Why does every one of them feel like a stab in the heart? Well, I guess the back would be more accurate... How are you supposed to know what's true and what isn't? I know, it's supposed to be irrelevant now. But it's not, not to me. I want to see the past accurately.
But why now? I get the message. Lesson learned. How much more can I take? I know, no more than my spouse ever did, or if I'm not dead I haven't gotten what I deserve, yeah I know all that, but still this is all just humiliating.
Are people really that evil? Am I that naive? How do you trust anyone then?

Cant wait to see my girls dance at all the services today!
if you can't come, livestream it!

What is it about a guy sitting down to a piano and just playing, that melts my heart?..

So on another note (haha)..
Just FYI I will not be working FULL time. Prob just 20-30 hours a week. I will still be relaunching the photo biz. I actually have 3 gigs next week! Gotta keep the right brain as active as the left. Esp cause that's where I want to end up. Hoping to learn some graphic design and editing skills to expand on what I can do with the pics I take.

I also haven't forgotten about the missions organization I have desired to begin, but that is going to have to stand the test of time. It needs to be filtered and refined to see how much of missions was flesh and how much was calling.

I am forseeing a very busy fall. I like it that way :-)
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friday

Praying for a dear friend who just had her colon removed. So young. Scary. Please keep Jen in prayer, she's supposed to get married next month. Going to see her at Brac tomorrow late afternoon.
Beth Moore tonight and tomorrow morning.
More job interviews. Think I'm pretty sure where I'll end up. Hint=Bank
Can you just imagine? Me, in grown up clothes every day? No flipflops or maxi dresses?? All professional... ((shuddering at the thought))
Just kidding, it will be a nice change.
Haven't gotten the job yet so I will refrain from giving details :-)

my girls

I'm so sorry for the rest of you guys out there, but I have the best girls on the planet. I'm a blessed mama!

Sooo excited.. I <3 change!
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new

New day, new week, new life..
New job coming up soon..
School started for the kids. One Day academy again for them, plus Jordan is driving and considering a job. Preparing for new adventures. Planning a fall mini vacation and going to New York for my birthday this year to fulfill a lifelong dream of ice skating under the big Rockefeller Christmas tree. Going to some photo workshops this fall to better steward my gift. Dance classes start as soon as therapy is over. Playing volleyball in a coed league with my daughters. Totally loving those girls and cherishing every moment I have left.
Thank you Jesus for this life.

There are no words..

you know who you are

I don't know if you're out there somewhere or not.. I presume you are still alive, and maybe you will come across this someday..

D
I don't hate you.
I forgive you.