THIS. FLU. SUCKS.
I HAVE to get better in the next 24 hours because the kids are coming home tomorrow for Chase and Krista's wedding this weekend. Josh is even playing guitar in the wedding..
How do you will yourself to be well..??

*Whatever cold/flu that Hannah has had for the past week finally caught up to me yesterday. I had to sleep(not really) sitting up in our comfy living room chair, coughing all night.
*Josh left for California. :(
* Saturday we had to drive an 8 hour round trip to Galveston for tech support for Jordans laptop. Josh fixed in one hour what their entire team couldn't fix in a week. I will try and refrain from Aggie jokes, but man it's hard right now. That was a hard drive. On the way home we had to keep stopping to switch drivers cause we were so tired. But it was nice to see Jordan.
*Ballet level 2 started yesterday. I thought 1 was hard. That was childs play. Oh goodness this is so much harder. We have a gay guy who's not afraid to make fun of you if you screw up. I predict we'll lose a third of the class this week.
*I was in so much pain and misery yesterday evening so Josh went to the store for me and he brought us home some Girl Scout Cookies. I wasn't paying attention and ate an entire roll of thin mints at one sitting.

Bullet points are easier than trying to make sentences flow together in a reasonable fashion. I'm in too much pain for that nonsense.

*Today I got paid to sit on a mock jury downtown. So Much Fun. If you ever get the chance to do it, you should. Strong opinions are welcomed, and you get a glimpse into the legal system (fascinating to me). I ended up being the foreman because I was the most vocal and bossy. I had a blast.
*Yesterday we got Hannah's passport renewed at my super secret passport office that doesn't have a wait. Any of you who have stood in line for hours at a post office know what a miracle this find is. I will only share its location if you ask and have the secret password. J/k. Kinda..
*Tonight while Hannah was at youth Josh and I finally went to the new Dos Salsas here in CP. We hadn't been yet because there's always a wait, but tonight we decided to wait. It was Very good.
But don't go, cause then our wait will be worse..
:)

I am being plagued by a kinda.. sorta.. paralyzing fear of death. I know where it's coming from, but I can't seem to shake it. Life is so incredibly fleeting and fragile. At any second we can be gone. As a Christian, this is shameful to admit, but, right now, I'm afraid of dying, or of a loved one dying. As I type, I'm stalking my daughter on Google maps as she's driving back to school today to make sure she makes it ok. Every headache I get, I fear is a brain tumor. I've never lived in fear this way. That has just not been my way. This is not ok. 

This holiday season was a sad one for sure. I hurt for the Heath family and the kids having to go back to school in mourning and not having had a restful and fun break. It is such a heavy burden for all of them. I feel for Michael Sr having to be alone in the house for the first time tonight.

This was not meant to be a sad, morbid post. For we are not without hope..

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Nor are we supposed to live in fear..

Isaiah 41:10
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.So do not fear, for I am with you;

In other news..

Over the course of the last few days, Jordan has decided to cancel her Greece trip this summer. It now seems that spending two weeks watching dolphins in Greece just isn't as appealing as it once was. (Not to mention how dangerous I think it is for a beautiful young woman traveling alone to the kidnapping/sex trafficking capital of the world.) I think she made the right choice. So instead, I think we're going to have a family trip to Paris with that money this summer. It has been at the top of our wish list for a while, and Josh knows his way around there pretty well by now and his French is coming back to him. 

Why did my margins just shift?? (smh) I apologize for the scattered, non linear writing today. This is just an illustration of what my head looks like right now..

Just returned home from the visitation at the funeral home. Tomorrow is the funeral. On Tuesday just the family is flying to South Carolina to bury her. (That's where they're from.) They invited Jordan, so she's going too. I appreciate that they treat her as part of the family, the same way we treat Michael as one of our own.
Pastor Joe was even there today which I thought was very nice. It was good to talk to him for a few minutes. It's nice to know that even in a church that has gotten this big, he still cares about each of us. He has always remained the same and is the main reason we stay at CC.


In other news.. Hannah's first physical therapy appointment for her hands is tomorrow. I am praying this works, cause she misses her piano so much that she's been playing through the horrible pain.

a very serious game of hangman among cousins at Penny's bday party last night

I hate for this to be my first post of the New Year, but Michael's mom just died. Here's what he wrote.. 24 minutes ago

"My mom just went to heaven. She was 59 years old. I love you mom. I love you so much. I miss you already, but I will see you again."

Lord bring to them peace like they've never known. Reveal yourself in a new and even more real way. Draw them in under the shelter of Your wings tonight.
In Jesus name. Amen.

2012 was an eventful year for us.
Jordan graduated, and moved away to college.
Jordan and I got to go on a cruise together, and we also went to Thailand!
Hannah got her drivers license and her own car.
Josh and I celebrated our 40th birthdays.
We also celebrated 20 years of marriage.

There were more setbacks than we'd hoped, and more victories than we could have hoped for.
God has been good to us as He always is.
Looking forward to what 2013 brings.
Happy New Year my friends!

update from Michael Heath:

"News on my Mom - Over the last three days my mom has improved dramatically. She looks much worse but her stats are nothing short of miraculous. Thank you everyone for the prayers! And please keep them coming.

They have pulled over 22 pounds of liquid off of her which has allowed her to breath easier and plan to take another 10-15 pounds off. In addition to this they have lowered her oxygen on the ventilator to 80 percent instead of 100. They have also taken her off of 'pressors' which increase blood pressure. Her blood pressure maintained a safe level through it all.

The VRE was re-tested and has completely disappeared. They believe it was a contaminated petri dish. The current samples have been growing for over 24 hours with no sign of VRE whatsoever.

The doctors are talking about getting her back on regular dialysis and are planning on how to bring her mental state back. Before this happens they want her off of the ventilator completely and want her blood pressure to stay the same. Specifically pray that her encephalopathy, swelling and other problems in her brain, goes away and that she can tolerate all that she needs to to come back to us.

The doctors are astounded and using the words 'better', 'tomorrow' and 'next week'. Please keep praying that God will save my mother. All of these things could kill her if her body does not handle it and even if her body heals she could be brain dead. Please keep praying. Thank you all!!! God can do anything."

Because of this great news, they're coming home to visit tomorrow!

For my own memory..

My favorite birthday gift this year - my Kate Spade bag

most unpredictable gift award goes to Josh for my samurai sword set this Christmas

Mrs. Heath is doing a little better today. The family has hope. That's all you need sometimes, when God is on your side.
In other good news, my Jordan was just asked if she wanted to take over and LEAD the campus Bible Study at A&M!!! I am so proud of her, and she has great ideas on how to run it and attract more people.
She is still in Houston with Michael, has been since Wednesday. I miss them, but I know they're where they have to be.
Also Hannah's hand dr told her that all she needs is some physical therapy and stretches and the pain should go away in a few months. This is very good news for her!

Michael Heath:
"Update on my mom - The last few days have been really hard. After her cardiac arrest on Christmas morning she had to be stabilized. She has been on life support since then. The list of things that have gone wrong goes on and on and on... every hour there is a new thing. She has multi-organ failure, broken ribs from CPR, is drowning from fluid in her lungs, she's bleeding internally, is heavily sedated and confused from ammonia that can't leave her system, and has now gotten an infection of VRE aka 'the Super Bug'. The doctors said they can keep her alive indefinitely, or until the super bug kills her, but... there comes a point when we have to ask if she would want to live like this. 

My brothers and my fathers have given the ok for a Code 2 level of care. This means that is she goes into another cardiac arrest or something else, then the doctors will do what they can but will not save her at all cost. Code 3 is palative care which will be to take her off of life support and comfort her into death.

The only thing that can save my mom now is a miracle straight from God. Thank you for your prayers."

Uh, yesterday sucked. 7-8 hours in the car, Michael's mom is not doing well at all, my heartburn/ulcer thing is back and I couldn't sleep because of it, and THEN at 1:45AM our smoke alarms go off and we smell gas so we called 911. We stand outside in the FREEZING cold in our pajamas while waiting for the fire department to arrive. They investigate but can't find the source for the gas smell and said we had one "bad"? detector that probably set them off.  Today we will buying 12? new ones.
Please keep praying for the Heaths, they need a miracle. And Hannah, who has a hand dr specialist appointment today.

It was a very solemn day around here. It started off pretty good with our usual Christmas morning fun. But then we got the call that Michael's mom crashed in the ICU. They brought her back but were worried it would happen again. Thankfully she's been stable all day, but still asleep. Obviously Michael never made it home to see J for Christmas like they had planned, which made for a very sad girl. Not just because she didn't get to see him, but scared for him and his family as well. We're taking her to Houston tomorrow to spend a day or two with the family in the hospital.
I hate it when my child is sad and hurting. It makes it nearly impossible to be happy. But we are believing and praying that tomorrow will be better.
I am leaving the tree up until Michael makes it home, and we can celebrate Christmas all over again, together.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Merry Christmas Eve to all!