I'm sorry I haven't posted anything meaningful in a while. It is a weird season of life right now and I really am at a complete loss for words. I am at a cross roads in alot of ways. And I don't know which way to go.
I am no longer the missions coordinator at Celebration. I can't say that news was a total shock to me, but still painful none the less.
I now have to figure out what it is I really want to do with my life. I used to think I was going to be one of those world changers that left a huge impact. But now I am just living day to day and going nowhere. I really have no direction. There are a couple of options, but nothing feels quite right. I am not the type who is happy going nowhere and just spinning my wheels, and I'm afraid to get stuck here. But I don't want to pour myself into something that's not right for me either..
I know it's just a season, and it will pass. God in His infinite mercy and grace will show me the way.

this is one reason why i love africa

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others. "
~Audrey Hepburn

first of tons

I am home again. But missing Africa terribly. I hate this lost feeling I get when I return from there. It was a wonderful trip, so much better than last years. Pics to follow..

pray

I'm leaving for Africa in 11 hours. Please pray for us for the next 12 days. Pray that God will meet me there and speak to me and reveal a little piece of his plan for my life. Pray that I come home even more changed than I was last year. I need renewal; a reminder of what really matters in this world.

gratitude

Thank you Lord for your grace. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for surrounding me with wise people. Thank you for your perfect timing. I thank you that I get to go back to Africa. Thank you for mercy and your endless forgiveness in my life. Thank you for whatever new thing you're about to do in my life. I thank you that you know me so well and know I love "new". Thank you that I never have to be bored with my life or comfortable. Thank you for trusting me with so much. I thank you for the new people that are about to surround me in my new path. I thank you for those you are already showing me. You never cease to amaze. I love you Lord and am truly your humble servant.

Faith

Great message from Stovall Weems this weekend. It was exactly what I needed to hear.
God has not called us to interpret life when it doesn't make sense. Just to have faith in Him. Only He sees the big picture. Only He knows what's good for us. His plan is better than what we think we want. His vision is so much better than our limited ability to see our future. We want it our way because it may be pleasant to taste or experience, but He wants what's good for us, what helps us grow. Our faith must be grounded in God alone. Not people.

Wow. You really learn who your friends are, and aren't in a crisis situation.
I am deeply saddened.

I keep forgetting that I'm going to Africa in 2 weeks! I haven't gotten shots, thought about packing, or prepared at all for being gone for 10 days in December. I was going to have the Christmas shopping done, cards ready, party planned, etc... and I have done none of that. Bad time for a life/friend/church crisis I guess...
Lord come, I need your help. Lift me from this funk and return to me the joy of my salvation, and my passion for Africa. Remind me Lord why I have fought so hard for this.

Change

Change is coming, that's for sure. So might as well use this time to make some changes myself.
Today I'm changing my hair color. I'm tired of the blonde for now. It may be back next summer. Next, I'm going to start researching how to start my own non-profit organization. Then I'm going to make an extra effort to surround myself with people I don't know in an effort to change my circle of influence. Then I'm going to pack and go to Mexico for a couple of days (like in the morning). When I get back, I will continue down this path of change. I'm being forced down it by outside means and circumstances, so instead of being shoved, I will stand up and make my own new way.

Lord set before me my path. Illuminate the way in which I'm to go. Make yourself known and glorified through my life. Use me as your vessel to take hope to the world.

have I mentioned lately that I love song lyrics :-)

"I have been the wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned Sovereignty
And had my share of doubt
And though sometimes my prayers feel like
They're bouncing off the sky
The hand I hold won't let me go
And is the reason why...

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved"

I haven't been posting alot lately. I have nothing to say. Nothing that will add value to your life or edify you or build you up or encourage you. If I speak it will only depress you. Life stinks sometimes. These last coupla weeks really stink.
I'm on the job hunt again. If you know of a good part time gig (15-20 hours a week), please let me know. My knee's not better so I have an ortho appt friday morning. There is more yuck that I won't bore you with right now.
I miss my friends.

The church has surrendered her once lofty concept of God and has substituted for it one so low, so ignoble, as to be unworthy of thinking, worshiping men...The low view of God entertained almost universally among Christians is the cause of a hundred lesser evils everywhere among us. A whole new philosophy of the Christian life has resulted from this one basic error in our religious thinking.- A.W. Tozer

xai xai pic

Just got this photo of some of our kids in Xai Xai that we started feeding at the new Carepoint. I can't wait to go see them and meet them. I am so excited about Celebration Mozambique, I wept when I saw this picture this morning..