waking up

Something inside of me seemed to wake up this year. I don't know if it's because I'm about to be 35 or whether I just got tired of waiting for my life to happen, or I'm just tired of being afraid of living, or what. I used to think I had to wait to start my "life" until my kids were gone and that responsibility was less, kinda like I have to give them 100% of me or something. But I want them to know the me who I want to be. Does that make any kind of sense? I don't want to squash who I am just to fit into being a suburban mom and wife. I don't fit in, never have, never really wanted to actually. I want to have a life that fits me. I want to share my passion with my kids, not save it for a later date. I want them to see the firecracker I was born to be. I want to set off flames all over this world. I want to encourage others to not be afraid to live like they've always wanted. Better to try and fail than to try to preserve your safety net. As for me , I want to do everything I can to improve the lives of people in horrible situations. I want to tell them about Jesus, and feed them and clothe them and shelter them. I want to give them hope. I want to make them smile. I want to share what I have been given. Because what I have been given is too big for just me.