THIS. FLU. SUCKS.
I HAVE to get better in the next 24 hours because the kids are coming home tomorrow for Chase and Krista's wedding this weekend. Josh is even playing guitar in the wedding..
How do you will yourself to be well..??

*Whatever cold/flu that Hannah has had for the past week finally caught up to me yesterday. I had to sleep(not really) sitting up in our comfy living room chair, coughing all night.
*Josh left for California. :(
* Saturday we had to drive an 8 hour round trip to Galveston for tech support for Jordans laptop. Josh fixed in one hour what their entire team couldn't fix in a week. I will try and refrain from Aggie jokes, but man it's hard right now. That was a hard drive. On the way home we had to keep stopping to switch drivers cause we were so tired. But it was nice to see Jordan.
*Ballet level 2 started yesterday. I thought 1 was hard. That was childs play. Oh goodness this is so much harder. We have a gay guy who's not afraid to make fun of you if you screw up. I predict we'll lose a third of the class this week.
*I was in so much pain and misery yesterday evening so Josh went to the store for me and he brought us home some Girl Scout Cookies. I wasn't paying attention and ate an entire roll of thin mints at one sitting.

Bullet points are easier than trying to make sentences flow together in a reasonable fashion. I'm in too much pain for that nonsense.

*Today I got paid to sit on a mock jury downtown. So Much Fun. If you ever get the chance to do it, you should. Strong opinions are welcomed, and you get a glimpse into the legal system (fascinating to me). I ended up being the foreman because I was the most vocal and bossy. I had a blast.
*Yesterday we got Hannah's passport renewed at my super secret passport office that doesn't have a wait. Any of you who have stood in line for hours at a post office know what a miracle this find is. I will only share its location if you ask and have the secret password. J/k. Kinda..
*Tonight while Hannah was at youth Josh and I finally went to the new Dos Salsas here in CP. We hadn't been yet because there's always a wait, but tonight we decided to wait. It was Very good.
But don't go, cause then our wait will be worse..
:)

I am being plagued by a kinda.. sorta.. paralyzing fear of death. I know where it's coming from, but I can't seem to shake it. Life is so incredibly fleeting and fragile. At any second we can be gone. As a Christian, this is shameful to admit, but, right now, I'm afraid of dying, or of a loved one dying. As I type, I'm stalking my daughter on Google maps as she's driving back to school today to make sure she makes it ok. Every headache I get, I fear is a brain tumor. I've never lived in fear this way. That has just not been my way. This is not ok. 

This holiday season was a sad one for sure. I hurt for the Heath family and the kids having to go back to school in mourning and not having had a restful and fun break. It is such a heavy burden for all of them. I feel for Michael Sr having to be alone in the house for the first time tonight.

This was not meant to be a sad, morbid post. For we are not without hope..

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Nor are we supposed to live in fear..

Isaiah 41:10
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.So do not fear, for I am with you;

In other news..

Over the course of the last few days, Jordan has decided to cancel her Greece trip this summer. It now seems that spending two weeks watching dolphins in Greece just isn't as appealing as it once was. (Not to mention how dangerous I think it is for a beautiful young woman traveling alone to the kidnapping/sex trafficking capital of the world.) I think she made the right choice. So instead, I think we're going to have a family trip to Paris with that money this summer. It has been at the top of our wish list for a while, and Josh knows his way around there pretty well by now and his French is coming back to him. 

Why did my margins just shift?? (smh) I apologize for the scattered, non linear writing today. This is just an illustration of what my head looks like right now..

Just returned home from the visitation at the funeral home. Tomorrow is the funeral. On Tuesday just the family is flying to South Carolina to bury her. (That's where they're from.) They invited Jordan, so she's going too. I appreciate that they treat her as part of the family, the same way we treat Michael as one of our own.
Pastor Joe was even there today which I thought was very nice. It was good to talk to him for a few minutes. It's nice to know that even in a church that has gotten this big, he still cares about each of us. He has always remained the same and is the main reason we stay at CC.


In other news.. Hannah's first physical therapy appointment for her hands is tomorrow. I am praying this works, cause she misses her piano so much that she's been playing through the horrible pain.

a very serious game of hangman among cousins at Penny's bday party last night

I hate for this to be my first post of the New Year, but Michael's mom just died. Here's what he wrote.. 24 minutes ago

"My mom just went to heaven. She was 59 years old. I love you mom. I love you so much. I miss you already, but I will see you again."

Lord bring to them peace like they've never known. Reveal yourself in a new and even more real way. Draw them in under the shelter of Your wings tonight.
In Jesus name. Amen.