Just kidding. Kind of.
I am IN bed.
Just saw the forecast for my girls weekend at the beach. Rain. Yep. That's cool, I'm packing a blender. We can sit on the balcony and watch the rain and drink fruity drinks and talk and laugh and cry and laugh and eat junk. Then run and dance in the rain, on the beach. Actually sounds pretty awesome. We leave friday morning, wanna come?
Looks like my hair color poll didn't work out so well. It's a tie. And I know I have a lot more than 8 readers so most of you must not have an opinion on the matter. I know, what does it matter in the grand scheme of things right? I get that. Just trying to get a little interaction from my readers out there. All I get is this number at the end of the day but it doesn't tell me who you are. Kind of strange not knowing who I'm talking to every day. All I know for sure is my family and a few friends who post comments every now and again. But those only account for a very small percentage of my regular readers. How do I know what you guys want to know about? Do u want updates on my life? My emotional state? Or what I'm doing at that moment? Or do u miss the old days of the encouraging missions posts and inspirations of days long ago when I was a young naïve idealist?
I'm sure not many appreciate all the random song quotes of late. But I love those. They make me happy and are memories for me.
I will take happiness where I can find it. Sometimes joy is elusive to me now. But when I find it, I no longer take it for granted or hide it.
My new life theme - 'It's not about happiness, it's about Holiness', is true, but that doesn't mean you can't find both some of the time.


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here's my real blog post for today..
I'm tired. I'm going to bed now.

"..You change your mind like a girl changes clothes..
..We fight we break up, we kiss we make up..
Some one call the dr got a case of a love bipolar.."

For the drive back..
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"..Pour some sugar on me, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me, come on fire me up.."
Classic Def Leopard for the drive to lunch :-)
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Standing here at work. No one is here ( for a change) and I just remembered I had been too busy to post anything yesterday. Long busy day at work then we had dinner guests.
I much prefer the closing shift here. I'm actually fully awake when I get here. :-)
Soo looking forward to going to the beach on friday with some girlfriends for the weekend. Need some down time and some ocean air..

song on the radio -
"...yes I like pina coladas.. and getting caught in the rain.." :-)

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Cleaning my house and listening to Mix 94.7 (my favorite station). Isn't it amazing how some songs take you back to a particular moment in time instantly. Or makes you think of someone in particular every time. Recently heard: Hungry like the wolf, Hit me with your best shot, Tainted Love, Hotel California, Every Little Thing she does is Magic, John Cougar and Bryan Adams, then there's all the Garth Brooks songs that take me back to my senior year in high school and the prom. I'll Be, Chasing Cars, Wake Up Call(love all the maroon 5 songs),and MatchBox 20, Lenny kravitz, Daughtry, then recent ones like Bleeding Love, Smile, You're black and you're white (no comments), Her Diamonds, Jason Mraz-I'm Yours, I Gotta feeling(the peas), Love Remains The same (love love this one) and my new very favorite song - Gives You Hell by All American Rejects. Now playing - Another One Bites the Dust. Classic. I could listen to this stuff all day. And I could list songs I love all day ..
Bob 103.5 used to be my favorite and it's now in the number 2 spot for several reasons.
ADD strikes again... must go back to cleaning now..
Oh, and Jake didn't win king, but he looked awesome. The game was fun though, sat with Joe and Lori and a ton of other Celebrationers, and saw lots of people i knew. Good times.

Driving back from Gruene right now. Plans changed a bit today. Yay for spontaneity! On our way to see the bats at Congress. The kids have never been..
Spent the last few hours showing them the town of Gruene. They haven't been there either. I did go to the money show(lame) then I went to Emeralds and Buffalo Exchange (my fav clothing store) before we left town. After the bats we'll prob eat somewhere downtown then watch the game on DVR whenever we get home. I love Saturdays.
I love singing loud in the car. My poor family tolerates me so well.
The clouds are cool. They were way cool last night too with the cool sunset and funky moon.
Ok bye.

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Long day. Tonight we're going to the Gtown football game and see if Jake is homecoming king or not. But I get to sleep in tomorrow!
Then I'm going to the Austin Money Show at the convention center, then the UT game, then going out with my new coworkers for drinks at Waterloo.. Should be interesting.
Only 6 people have voted over there in my poll in the right column over there.. Come on peeps!
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ok so it's that time of year.. time for the hair color change. it happens a couple of times a year, and this time I need your help. I have only been blonde for 3 months, and there are actually some people who have never seen it this color.. that's weird..
So people of the world, VOTE, let me know what i should do! Either your favorite on me, or a color you haven't seen (it's possible i haven't done EVERY color!), whatever.. just vote!

I LOVE THIS WEATHER!!!!

Tonight at church -

Robert Barriger! One of the greatest missionaries in the world to Peru!

I'm sure to be inspired. Looking forward to it.

Only 2 more days of getting up early for work. Starting next week I get to be the closer, from now on. YES!!

Ok, so running around in this weather has perked me up.. Fall is my favorite!!
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Tooo T.I.R.E.D.
i hate this getting up early every day thing. not for me.
i am officially sick of bank terms, acronyms, numbers, codes, policies, procedures..
bah humbug.
my cheek bones hurt.
i want to go back to bed now.
another friend has swine flu.
my house is quite a bit of a mess.
i need to put the world on pause so i can catch up please

Just saw Extract at the draft house. thought it was pretty funny. now i am being serenaded with a ukulele. unique. i think he wants me to pay attention to him and not check my email and facebook right now.
I am sooo excited to get to sleep in tomorrow, the first time in 6 days! i will be working most saturday mornings though, so gotta make this one count. i will be switching to afternoons after my training is over, so glad i wont have to get up so early, yay! monday i have all day training at the downtown branch..
Going to watch the game at my moms tomorrow, haven't seen her in forever..
Bought my tickets to New York for my birthday celebration!

So me being the rebellious woman that I am, quit taking my meds about a week ago. Tired of it, and the side effects. Tired of not knowing how I'm REALLY doing. I don't want to disguise my emotions and medicate to deal with them at a later date. So being off of them for over a week now I guess and I feel totally fine! Granted my new job has kept me pretty busy and I actually get to use my brain, which is nice, and maybe being totally busy helps me to not focus on "feelings" but instead on getting on with life and actually learning new skills that will come in handy for me in the future. And for once actually contributing to the household income, instead of just spending it.
And also, honestly, I kind of like playing dress up. I think I look pretty darn good in dress pants and heels! I kind of feel more grown up.
So N E WAYS... don't tell Rick I stopped the meds, I will have to tell him soon I suppose. Don't have an appointment scheduled at the moment cause my work schedule is sporadic and unpredictable for the next few weeks.
I'm sooo excited about an upcoming photo shoot gig. We are renting costumes for the models.. Going to get real creative for this project.. It's going to be a full size calendar for a CEO friend of mine to give out to clients.. more details to come..
gtg..

Off to go study more banking regulations. Joy of all joys..
This organization has too many rules, regulations and procedures. Why on earth did I pick this line of work?? What was I thinking?!
And why BOA, why so many acronyms?? And numbers?? Why do I need 13 different passwords?
GTG..
:-)

I am so flippin tired..
My body hasn't adjusted yet. I am behind in everything.
I just had to make an appointment to talk to my kids. And I haven't been to the gym all week!
Choice for this afternoon - nap or gym? hmm .. I'm gonna do the gym cause why.. i dont know, my body wants to sleep

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me and my hottie friend Rene..
you can't really tell in this pic but my hair was feathered..

first day

Had my first day at work. Well, I guess it was day one of training. Had a scavenger hunt to get oriented with the location of everything. Had a welcome card signed by all my coworkers and had a cake waiting for me. Talked with my manager a whole lot. What's so cool is all the security procedures they have in place that I can't talk about. It's soooo 007. I love it!
So much to learn in the next 2 weeks. Luckily it is mostly onsite so I can learn ,hands on, in my own environment.

Gotta go put on my 70's garb for Christine Caine generations night at church...

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty & well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out & proclaiming, Wow, What A Ride!
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Day is turning around. Car is fixed. Computer is fixed. Lunch with Rene at Silver and Stone was awesome. I love that girl a ton. She always reminds me of who I really am. She expects more from me and that spurs me on to greatness. I am not a weak woman. I am a strong smart bold woman of God that will not be stopped by my accuser. Just need to be reminded sometimes when I lose my focus.

Cool jewelry find this afternoon. Necklace with faux coins as charms. How perfect for me who loves foreign coins and works at a bank!
Excited about work on monday surprisingly. My new boss is like a 6 foot 4, buffer, version of Ben Affleck, and the women there seem really nice. And it always appears really busy when I drive by.

Ok back to whatever it was I was doing. ADD strikes again..

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My computer totally died the other day and still isn't fixed despite joshs best efforts. Then joshs car totally died on me last night around midnight and he had to come rescue me after an already rough night. Now I'm driving josh back to the car where he gets to work on it during a torrential downpour. And I need to be in Gtown at noon.

Last night and this morning = suckville. I received a message through a friend that made me want to go visit a certain someone and remove his head and shove it up his a**. But I can't, cause its already there.
Some people have no clue.

Not how I envisioned enjoying my last day of unemployment.

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Been running crazy and wild all day. Tonight it continues solo. Office store, then Rei, then Ikea, then girls night at Heathers later tonight. Tomorrow no different. Except Amy will be in town! Haven't seen her in almost 3 months when I was in Baltimore and all hell broke loose. Maybe this visit will be less dramatic..

Going to the beach with some girlfriends in a coupla weeks! A long weekend with lots of eating, drinking, and laughing. Soo looking forward to that.

No txting and driving , GTG.
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"Lately the weather has been so bipolar, and consequently so have I"

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I am so confused.
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My computer bites. I really need a new Mac laptop loaded with the newest version of Photoshop. If God lays that on your heart you can just send it along to me. :-)
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But..

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord, because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares. " Jer 30:17

Evil

"This is the way of the evil one toward you. He plays upon a woman's worst fear: abandonment. He arranges for her to be abandoned, and he puts his spin on every event he can to make it seem like abandonment. " - John Eldredge
"That is just not a very nice thing to do, and it makes me mad." - shileen karnes

It's been a very busy long weekend. Surprise bday party for a friend friday night, bought a whole new work wardrobe saturday, then saw district 9 finally (I hated it). Multiple services sunday, Mighty Fine, and a photo shoot for a friend, rock climbing with a friend today, then Monument Cafe, then nap, now pizza and a movie. While picking up pizza saw a police scene with a car under a tarp, apparently they found a dead teenage girl in her car in the parking lot. Yikes.
Tomorrow I go downtown to the main bank for fingerprinting and background check, then to my bank to meet everyone and get a tour.
I think I'm sick. Like for real.
Gotta keep moving, stay busy. Idle minds and hands get into trouble..

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My view of josh and elliot

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Jordan climbing

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!

I GOT THE JOB!
I am an official BANK OF AMERICA Employee!!
Woo hoo, i start monday the 14th
The banking world will never be the same..
:-)

I guess I'm going to have to go clothes shopping tomorrow..

Find the place where we escape
Take you with me for a space
The city buzz, sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I had to find just where you are
The faces seems to blur, they’re all the same

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I had anymore to give
Pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

blah

I wish I was on some remote beach with a pink umbrella topped pina colada in my hand. I want to lay in the sun without a worry in my mind. I want to throw off my clothes and run into the ocean and dive into the waves.
But I can't.
Reality..

u

You can't run. You can't hide from God. Everywhere you go, He is there. Your problem travels with you. Your unbelief will haunt you. You can't escape yourself. You can't escape the pain. You won't outrun the shame. A change of scenery doesn't change your heart. You still have to look yourself in the mirror every morning. You still have to stand before the throne one day and account for your actions. I am choosing to stand where I am, and face my fears. Face my issues, face my enemy, head on. I will not run, or hang my head in shame, or retreat. I will stand here as long as it takes. As hard as it is. As painful as it is. It will grow character. It will humble me. It will make me wiser. It will strengthen me.
Choose wisely the path..

josh

Hi husband. I'm sorry I kept you up late last night. Thank you for tolerating me. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for letting me hang with my girlfriends so often. Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for never lying to me. Thank you for being the glue that holds us together. Thank you for adoring me. Thank you for showing me what unconditional love looks like. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your perseverance. Thank you for listening. Thank you for stalking me to keep me in line :). Thank you for caring. Thank you for not running away and leaving me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for your consistency. Thank you for never cheating on me. Thank you for being a faithful Christian. Thank you for forgiveness.
Thank you for loving me.

!!!

Final interview this afternoon at the bank! Last minute notification, barely time to go get my nails done.. I'm so excited and nervous. But confident also.