Tonight the guys shot video for a youtube "commercial" for Josh's new product, the Tone Factory. We ladies didn't help much, though he did let Jordan shoot the video..

Packing up for my big photo shoot in Dallas. It's at the air museum at 5:30 AM. Ick on that part. We're leaving in a few hours. I'm taking the models up this afternoon so they're well rested. Jordan is one of the models this year. She's pretty stoked.
Last night we had dinner with the Knowles family. That was pretty fun; Chuys was mostly full of Celebrationers as usual. Anyways, their son Bryce is one of Hannahs new friends. He's absolutely adorable.
Since I've been sick most of the week, I've had alot of downtime. Downtime for me isn't reading a book or something, I usually end up thinking. Like literally laying in my bed, eyes closed, thinking. Too much of that is bad for me. I have a very vivid imagination. I've thought of my life over the last few years, and I realized it's been 2 whole years! since, the event. Wow, 2 years, I can't believe it's been that long. There are days that go by that I have completely forgotten, then there are days that I remember every gory detail.  2009 completely changed my life. In some ways good, but alot of ways for the worse. More importantly it changed my family forever.
As for me personally, I am still somewhat in a kind of depression. I'm grateful for all the grace I have received, and I'm at peace and mostly content, but for some reason I'm just overwhelmed with sadness most of the time. It doesn't help that I have no direction for my life anymore. Well.. other than being a mom and wife.
I know I'm not out of the race, I just don't know where I'm going anymore.       (Where there is no vision, the people perish. prov 29:18)

I'm sure you guys thought we were done talking about this topic, I'm sorry, but it's still my reality and still my blog. :)  I'm sure you've noticed that I tried to stop posting whining negative posts, and instead just left those days blank. hoping instead to only post happy topics as they arose. I never want to be a burden, only an encouragement. I need to be a light to those still in darkness, giving them hope that there is life on the other side. But maybe I'm just not far enough away yet.
Please join me in praying for my joy and hope and vision to return.

Jordan and Michael (yes, they're still just friends)

Ever since getting involved in missions years ago, I've been uncomfortable with many aspects of it, but was never really able to verbalize my issues with it. Don't get me wrong, I think they are absolutely invaluable to all involved if done the right way, but unfortunately many are not. I remember being In Africa for the first time and whenever I would pick up my camera to shoot a picture of a child, I felt guilty, like it was just wrong, so I didn't end up with very many photos. While at the same time others around me were shooting like mad. I couldn't figure out what my problem was. I was a photographer with an opportunity, that I couldn't take. This blog post of 'Jamie the Very Worst Missionary' helps explain why..

 

 "I’d Like to See How She Prays for Her Enemies…

Whenever I pray for short-term missionaries, I pray that their trip would be an absolute disaster.

Seriously, I do. I pray that all of their luggage would be lost, their money would be stolen, and, above all, their coordinated team shirts would accidentally catch fire.

I guess it sounds kind of mean when I say it like that, but I honestly think that’s what needs to happen in order for anyone engaged in a short-term missions experience to truly thrive.

It’s just that somewhere along the way, we’ve managed to make short-term missionary teams into something that more resembles tourists on safari.  We’ve given them an unofficial uniform of khaki pants and funny shoes from REI, and goofy matching t-shirts (designed in the hopes that people in the airport will see them and ask them what they’re doing so that they can be “evangelized.”) Then we load them up with supplies and money and luggage and we send them off to bless the crap out of everyone whose paths they cross.

But the best part is when we bring short-term teams to the ghetto. That’s where we put poor people on display, like zoo animals, so that we can marvel at how they live. We snap pictures of their dirt floors and scary outhouses. We mourn their kid’s dirty bare feet and bad teeth, and we delight in helping with their menial tasks. Then we build them a little house or throw a carnival for the kids, or whatever.  All as an opportunity to share the love of Jesus, of course.

Third world countries have been receiving these kinds of teams for many, many years now. And the result is a mutually exploitative relationship between Poverty and the Church. The church exploits the poor for a “feel-good” experience, and the poor exploit the church for material goods and services.

Everybody wins.

Ok. Everybody wins, but Jesus… *sigh*

The thing is, Jesus gave us a model for short-term teams.

He said (and I’m going way beyond paraphrasing here), “Pray and then go. But don’t take a bunch of crap. In fact, don’t take anything…

…Don’t make a spectacle of yourself on the way by stopping everyone in the airport to tell what you’re doing. When you get to where you’re going, stay with one local family and let them meet your needs. Get to know them. Let them feed you and clothe you, and let them give you a place to sleep. And in return for their hospitality, serve them well. Work your ass off so that your stay in their home will be worthwhile.  Oh, and don’t complain about the food, just eat it.”

So, basically, we do it, like, completely opposite of how Jesus did it.

We’ve taken an opportunity to learn to be dependant on God and others and, instead, made poor communities dependant upon us. We’ve taken the chance to become a part of a new family and learn a new culture, and turned that into a creepy 30-minute photo-op.  And where we could be serving under the head of a household (who best knows his own needs), we come marching in with a plan to “help” and the supplies to get it done, and we miss out on the gift of being a “worker worth his wages”.

I dunno.  Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like we’re missing the point with the whole short-term missionary thing.  Ya know?

So that’s why I pray the way I do.  My hope is not that the short-termer would be miserable, but that they would be dependent.  And not that they would be uncomfortable, but that they would be engaged in the culture.  And not that their corny matching t-shirts would be obliterated because they’re just lame, but…ok, yeah, that anyway.

All that to say that I’m praying for you, Matt.

But, don’t be afraid. I’m simply praying that your short-term missions experience will be everything Jesus wanted for it. And that you would return filled with Joy."
http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com/

S.I.C.K.
:(
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Today I took the girls prom dress shopping. Yes, it's nine months early. But you don't know how hard it is to fit those girls AND keep them within the strict dress code. The last two years have been a crazy mad dash to the finish. We decided this year would be different. Also the last two years someone else had an identical dress as the one J was wearing. That's no fun. So our strategy was to hit the after prom sales figuring these dresses would all be gone by prom season 2012, hence no duplicates. Plus I save hundreds $$ :)
We went to south Austin, San Marcos and San Antonio and found dresses for both girls in one day!!!! Nothing short of miraculous. Hannah got a short purple satin one sleeve dress, Jordan a champagne halter with a princess long full bottom. They both are stunning.
I love it when a plan comes together :)

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lol!

Today we went to Flamenco beach on Culebra island. It is noted to be one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. It is next door to St Thomas. It most certainly lived up to its hype. Wow. Absolutely stunning. These pictures don't do it justice. We spent the day swimming, sunbathing, and snorkeling. Around 3pm, storms started to roll in so we started heading back to the mainland. About halfway back the waves started rolling and there was lightning and wild rain. Some of us were quite scared and felt like we could hurl at any moment. It was a wild few minutes. One of the staff started playing the theme to Gilligans Island over the stereo. It lightened the mood and made us all laugh. I know I keep saying it, but wow, what a day!
Tonight is our last night here :( The week went by so fast..

Today was beach day. Very calm waters and sunshine today.

Tonight we set out at dark on kayaks and paddled through a dark mangrove forest to a bio luminescent bay. Everything that touched the water glowed. It was very cool. But the paddling back to the docks was upstream and very dark. There were great feats of strength, some stress, some white water, some tears, some fear, but great accomplishment. We had no idea what we were getting into. The only way to maneuver in these channels is by following the kayak in front of you, and the only thing visible are the glowsticks attached to lifejackets. Oh what a night..

Notice while I am admiring my bird, Jordan's hops onto my shoulder and starts munching on my fake flower :)

Spent the day hiking the rainforest, in the rain! Not just any rain, a full blown storm. It was awesome!! We saw amazing things and breathless waterfalls, and spent time climbing up into the clouds. There are no words for how magnificent it was..

The picture on the right, if you look closely for a dot of pink and gray, that's Jordan and I :)

Today we drove through the rainforest on the way to Luquillo. There are no words for how beautiful it was. None of the pictures do it justice. I find that when shooting pictures of mountains too. You can never capture the grandness or majesty in a photo. I certainly tried however, with no success. In the collage the picture of greenery is looking out over the mountains and the beach in the background, but like I said, you really can't tell. I wish I would have brought my real camera. Don't know if it would have helped though. And it would have gotten wet, cause after all it was the RAIN forest. By the end of this trip I'll probably have over 1000 photos to fill up another cool photo book.
On the side of the road today I had an amazing fruit something drink. I really have no idea what it was, but it may have been a really fru fru smoothie. It had whipped cream and cookies on top. :)
This collage is a few of todays faves.

Had a very full day today. We're so exhausted and all in bed trying to stay up a little while later since it's only 8pm. :)
We went to Old San Juan today and saw two amazing forts and visited several quaint little plazas. We also witnessed some famous persons funeral parade through the streets. Don't know who it was.  We took the adventurous route getting to downtown and took the city bus. Good times, good times. After waiting for the bus for almost an hour to get home, we grabbed a cab and headed back to the hotel for a swim and then had an early dinner at the beach side bar and grill. Absolutely wonderful experience. Perfect weather, perfect view, fabulous service, great food, lots of laughs. All the food I've had thus far has been magnificent. I've been very impressed.
I took over 100 pictures today so I just picked a few for a collage..
Tomorrow we pick up a rental car and head to the real beach.

We are here. Finally. After weather delays and rough flights, we landed around dark so we really haven't seen what it looks like here. Had our first local cuisine. DELICIOUS! We are only staying here in downtown 2 nights to see the sights before heading out to the even nicer beaches for the rest of the week.
Met a navy seal on the plane named Jeremiah. He told me all about the dolphin navy program in California that Jordan is interested in. really cool conversation..great guy. Divine seat appointment perhaps? Until tomorrow..

Sorry blog world, been cleaning, doing laundry and packing. Cause.... tomorrow morning we leave for VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts will get alot more interesting in the coming days :) I soo can't wait, I wish it were morning.

Look for some great pictures coming soon..

After years of paying a fortune for smoothies and years of the stores closing down on me and having to search for another one, the last one of its kind has closed. So now, I have perfected my own at home. It's a pain in the butt to make and to have all the ingredients on hand, but... it is soooo worth it. It's so good!  It has pineapple and mango fruit chunks and pineapple sherbet and juice, and vanilla frozen yogurt. Absolutely tropically delicious. Let me know if you want the recipe.

sisters

Love this

Some pics from Jordan's week. Luckily her teacher and friends took photos for me. She is still so excited and the interest has spread to Josh. He now wants to learn.
Erin is here, and Michael is home from Italy and he's been here, hanging out this afternoon. Josh just taught him to drive a stick and now he's out proving it to Jordan. Since she learned first he hasn't heard the end of it. If they ever return we're all going out for Mexican food next. It's been a good, relaxing, bumming around Saturday.

Spent the evening with one of my best friends tonight. René Banglesdorf owns Charlie Bravo Aviation, where she sells / brokers aircraft. And last week she spun off another company, Charlie Bravo Charter. I know it will be as wildly successful as the other is. She is an amazing woman of God and I am so glad I got to know her before she became who she is becoming. Our time together is becoming less and less as her schedule fills up, and she is jetting around the globe, but that's ok, because our bond is solid and we always pick up where we left off. I am so excited about her future, (and mine as well) and I know we will be friends forever.
In a few weeks I get to shoot their second calendar. This time we're going to an aircraft museum in Dallas. Really looking forward to it because last year was a blast, and it came out just beautiful. (Thanks to the art design work of Eric, who magically transformed my pictures into months of the year..)
Ren inspires me. And she sees my calling and she expects great things to come out of me. And we all need people like that in our lives. People that believe in us even when we don't.

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