Shileen's Blog

Packing up for my big photo shoot in Dallas. It's at the air museum at 5:30 AM. Ick on that part. We're leaving in a few hours. I'm taking the models up this afternoon so they're well rested. Jordan is one of the models this year. She's pretty stoked.
Last night we had dinner with the Knowles family. That was pretty fun; Chuys was mostly full of Celebrationers as usual. Anyways, their son Bryce is one of Hannahs new friends. He's absolutely adorable.
Since I've been sick most of the week, I've had alot of downtime. Downtime for me isn't reading a book or something, I usually end up thinking. Like literally laying in my bed, eyes closed, thinking. Too much of that is bad for me. I have a very vivid imagination. I've thought of my life over the last few years, and I realized it's been 2 whole years! since, the event. Wow, 2 years, I can't believe it's been that long. There are days that go by that I have completely forgotten, then there are days that I remember every gory detail.  2009 completely changed my life. In some ways good, but alot of ways for the worse. More importantly it changed my family forever.
As for me personally, I am still somewhat in a kind of depression. I'm grateful for all the grace I have received, and I'm at peace and mostly content, but for some reason I'm just overwhelmed with sadness most of the time. It doesn't help that I have no direction for my life anymore. Well.. other than being a mom and wife.
I know I'm not out of the race, I just don't know where I'm going anymore.       (Where there is no vision, the people perish. prov 29:18)

I'm sure you guys thought we were done talking about this topic, I'm sorry, but it's still my reality and still my blog. :)  I'm sure you've noticed that I tried to stop posting whining negative posts, and instead just left those days blank. hoping instead to only post happy topics as they arose. I never want to be a burden, only an encouragement. I need to be a light to those still in darkness, giving them hope that there is life on the other side. But maybe I'm just not far enough away yet.
Please join me in praying for my joy and hope and vision to return.