Shileen's Blog

I am being plagued by a kinda.. sorta.. paralyzing fear of death. I know where it's coming from, but I can't seem to shake it. Life is so incredibly fleeting and fragile. At any second we can be gone. As a Christian, this is shameful to admit, but, right now, I'm afraid of dying, or of a loved one dying. As I type, I'm stalking my daughter on Google maps as she's driving back to school today to make sure she makes it ok. Every headache I get, I fear is a brain tumor. I've never lived in fear this way. That has just not been my way. This is not ok. 

This holiday season was a sad one for sure. I hurt for the Heath family and the kids having to go back to school in mourning and not having had a restful and fun break. It is such a heavy burden for all of them. I feel for Michael Sr having to be alone in the house for the first time tonight.

This was not meant to be a sad, morbid post. For we are not without hope..

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵ According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words.

Nor are we supposed to live in fear..

Isaiah 41:10
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.So do not fear, for I am with you;

In other news..

Over the course of the last few days, Jordan has decided to cancel her Greece trip this summer. It now seems that spending two weeks watching dolphins in Greece just isn't as appealing as it once was. (Not to mention how dangerous I think it is for a beautiful young woman traveling alone to the kidnapping/sex trafficking capital of the world.) I think she made the right choice. So instead, I think we're going to have a family trip to Paris with that money this summer. It has been at the top of our wish list for a while, and Josh knows his way around there pretty well by now and his French is coming back to him. 

Why did my margins just shift?? (smh) I apologize for the scattered, non linear writing today. This is just an illustration of what my head looks like right now..