Why is it so hard to let go? We see the future ahead, and even though it is certainly an unknown, we know it has to be ok cause God is there. So we see ahead and yet our heart continues to look back. Why is it so slow to cooperate with our heads? Why does it seem to always believe the opposite of my mind? Why is my body in conflict with itself? And if my mind is the one in control, why doesn't the heart fall into place?
I saw an interview of some musicians the other day and they were asked what the secret to success was. They all said follow your heart. Forget what your mind says, be crazy and go with your heart, and you can't go wrong. Is that not the exact opposite of every piece of advice I have been given?! That is also what got me into this mess. Are Christians the only ones with the "heart is deceitful" mentality? My own secular doctor didn't understand why I didn't just get a divorce and run off with the other guy. Of course Christianity itself is not really a "mental" philosophy. It's about faith and belief, which sounds much more like a heart led thing than a mental choice. So maybe your heart is really trustworthy as long as you are in Gods perfect will for your life? How do we know then when we've made it there? None of us are without sin, and we can't walk the perfect walk. Only Jesus did that.
I guess there is no real answer to the heart vs head thing. It's all a balance that I am constantly trying to figure out. Right now I am focused solely on NOT listening to my broken twisted heart and going with what I know to be true, and on doing the right thing for everyone involved. I know Satan used my heart to lead me astray and so that's just not a safe place for me right now. It will heal eventually and I will need it to fix my relationships and all the damage I have done in my path of destruction. It won't last long trailing behind my mind and body, twisting in the wind, it will eventually catch up and join the rest of me, moving forward.
Welcome to my world
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