There is something quite surreal about opening up your first childs baby book and seeing her little bracelet and knit hat and birth certificate, and then on the same page reaching for her social security card to GO TAKE HER DRIVING TEST!
Where does the time go..
If you see mini me on the road, stay far away :-)
Just kidding, kind of. She just has her permit. She's 16 already but in no hurry to drive. Obviously.
I got my license on my 16th birthday. I wasted no time. In that regard, she is very not me.

Hannah sent me an audio recording today of her singing and playing Let It Be, on piano today while Jordan and I were at the DPS. That girl has got talent!
I should post it, but then she would kill me.
Had a bad asthma attack at work because of a smoker who sent in a wad of bills apparently super infused with her cancerous habit. I opened the bag and my throat immediately became swollen and the coughing fit began. I could barely breathe, it was horrible.
I had such a horrible coughing fit that I re-injured my still hurt back, so I must go heat it now.
I feel old.

The season is changing. The cold winds are coming in. You can feel it in the air, that change has arrived. The season of sadness and mourning are over. It is time to move on. Life awaits. And my life going forward is a great mystery, but I am excited to see what God has in store.
I pray that everyone reading this finds warmth in their home this season and a reuniting with their families; and when the spring arrives we are all reminded of His renewing power.

Just drove down Hairy Man rd and the trees are such beautiful shades
of red orange and yellow. The little details.
Oh How He loves us.

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We took the kids to see Blindside this afternoon after work. Josh said the mom reminded him of me. :-)
Looking forward to a day off tomorrow. REALLY looking forward to New York in less than two weeks..
Loving my new iphone. It is 2 million percent cooler than my blackberry.
yep.
I fell and hurt my back. Gonna go get drugs and a heating pad now. Goodnight.

Mom, are you back from the Grand Canyon yet?

Fight!

Josh got me an iPhone for my birthday!
An early surprise.

HOCKEY GAME TONIGHT!!
But first- work.

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Fireplace
Food
Football
+Family
---------------
Fabulous

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Where in the world is Shileen now?

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Yesterday sucked, bad. But it's over!
Today I am thankful for a fabulous husband who loves me so much that he has fought for me time and again. He makes me feel loved and valued. He has given me worth when I have felt worthless. He has loved me when it was impossible to do it. He is a smart, loving, devoted, talented, amazing man. And i am grateful for him.
Happy Birthday Josh. I love you.

Crazy INSANE day at work. And I get to do it all over again from 10-6:30 tomorrow.
Remind me again why I haven't quit yet? Going out to Fridays now with girlfriends. Time to chill and have some fun.

"I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"

I have had a song stuck in my head all morning. Total eclispse of the heart. Dunno why.
Just bought hockey tickets for Friday night! Center ice. Very excited. Haven't had a chance to go see the Stars until now. .
Now at HEB for turkey,
then work :(

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2 years ago I had never even taken a Rolaid, now I probably use a half a roll a day.
I wish I could be given divine wisdom on the whole predestination concept. Wondering why people are brought into our lives then taken away. Knowing it will change our emotional and spiritual make up. And not always for the better. Or does He just follow us around cleaning up our messes and trying to get us to accomplish at least SOME of what we were meant to do? How much of my life was not His first choice for me? Or even second or third choice? But our choices forced ulterior outcomes. . .

Gotta go to work.

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"You may be right, I may be crazy, but it may just be a lunatic you're looking for.."

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"What in the world can make a brown eyed girl turn blue, when everything I'll ever do, I do for you.."
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girls.jpg

Had a pretty good saturday. Watching the Horns kick butt currently. Scanning the sidelines for all the Champions who are standing there. (cause they're rock stars here ) (I Just saw them as I was typing!! )
Tomorrow I'm going to Junior League Christmas Affair downtown with Heather. That'll be fun. This years theme is Africa :-)

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Happy 13th birthday to my sweet baby girl, Hannah!
Crazy busy day.
Monumental year. My oldest turned 16 and my baby became a teenager. I love them more than anything. .

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Mother in laws surgery went well. They think they got all of it and replaced the bone with a titanium plate. She's in a lot of pain though.

Work.. was work.

Now Heather and I are visiting our injured friends and delivering dinner.
Funny how so many of us have had a horrendous week. What is up?!
Hopefully it all turns around for Hannahs birthday tomorrow. .

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Hey Soul Sister(train)-
"Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moving
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I cant be
I want the world to see you'll be with me"

I loooooooooooooooooooooooooove this song :-)

This day just keeps getting better. Not.

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So yesterday one of my best friends was in a terrible car wreck while I was at work. They rushed her to the hospital and while doing a scan to check for internal injuries they found a tumor in her neck, on her thyroid. They don't know yet whether it's cancer, but she needs it removed, now. And my mother in law is having a brain tumor removed thursday morning at Brackenridge.
rough week..
I can't seem to stay healthy with this job of mine. Constant handling of other peoples dirty money has worn my immune system down. I am weak and my bones hurt.

My sweet baby hannah turns 13 on friday. Unreal.

I have to miss church tonight for a stupid staff meeting at work. They give me the day off, but want me to be there for a nighttime meeting? stupid, stupid

however, i do have the day off, so I'm going to go enjoy it..

It's been almost 5 months, and I'm still not ok. Starting to wonder if I EVER will be. Is this the kind of thing that stays with you forever?
There are good times and happy days, but they are out numbered by the days of incredible sadness.

Do you ever feel like you're walking on quicksand and there's no tangible solid to stand on?
These are the days when you find out what you're made of..

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"You better hold on, this ride gets a little bumpy. Don't let go though, remember, you chose to get on. Don't lose strength. Don't lose hope. Hold on tight and you WILL make it to the end. And I promise, the end is beautiful and worth the ride. "

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So I saw this pretty, fall looking, mini park on the side of the road and had to get out and strike a pose with my girls..

My hands smell like onion and garlic again, this time I'm making chicken tortilla soup. Yum. Going to come home after church and eat it and watch The Ghost and the Darkness , this time with the girls. Kids have never seen it.. Intense movie.
I miss Africa real bad right now for some reason.

trip

So I'm leaving soon for my grand adventure. (well, in like 4-5 years) It's gonna be grand. An around the world expedition. Going to Alaska, New Zealand, Fiji, China, Thailand, surfing in Hawaii, snow skiing in Switzerland, seeing Spain, Russia, tour of Europe, Greece, Israel, Morocco,Maldives, Brazil, Peru, well, you get the picture... I'm starting a savings account today. Not gonna be a dead Ellie that never made it. I intend to get several of these knocked out before the big trip. Like for example one thing I've always wanted to do is stay in a nice hotel in midtown NYC and go ice skating under the Rockefeller Christmas tree on my birthday. I'm doing that in a few weeks :-)
We are going a few days early to see a Broadway show, go Christmas shopping, hang out in Central Park, go to the Met, NY Stock Exchange, etc..
And I have already done a few things on my list as well, these past few years.. (African safari, Panama Canal, ziplining in Costa Rica, driven Highway 1 down the California coastline, climbed a volcano, parasailing in Mexico,etc..) So I am well on my way. Just have to be deliberate about it.
And while I'm at it I intend to save the world, end world hunger and negotiate world peace. A girl can try. Hey, maybe a little bit of Shileen is really coming back!

So anyone who sends me money for my birthday this year, now you know where its going :-)

Quote about me.. while discussing a mildly irritating woman I asked Josh if I was irritating, and this was his reply..

"No. You go from lovable to infuriating. You aren't the type that produces mild responses from people"

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Had a great day off today. Got some stuff done, and bought a shotgun, and had my nails done and a pedicure. Gotta love a Texas girl who's as comfortable with a gun as she is in a salon. We can do it all and still be beautiful!
Wore my hair in au naturale, medusa style tonight and got several compliments on my blonde curls. That was nice. It's finally getting long enough again that it doesn't look like a daffodil when I let it go free.
If I hear the black/white, hot/cold song on the radio one more time I may have to use the new shotgun to blow up my car stereo. Do we really need to keep playing that EVERY hour? That is sooo january 09. Let's let it go, please. While I'm on the ranting rave, how about cutting back on the perfume people? I don't need to smell you coming from around the corner. Or seriously the drivers who stop traffic so they don't miss their turn. Seriously? Go around the block and quit causing accidents you selfish idiots. And you anti American stupid heads? Get out of dodge. America rocks. And we will fly our flag proudly wherever and whenever we want. And if any of my readers are (or were) in the military, THANK YOU for protecting me! And thank you to all those gentlemen out there who still hold open doors for us ladies. And walk on the street side of the sidewalk to protect us, and hold their hand to the small of our backs while walking up stairs, and pay for our food and anything and everything we want to buy. :-) Old fashioned guys rock. I like being treated like a princess, even by strangers I come across. It is refreshing and makes me smile.
Wow, tangent. Where was I going..
Who knows.... Haha..get it?
Yeah. Time for bed. This guy beside me is already snoring..
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Day is about to get better. Headed out to starbucks to see friends. Miss them, it's been 2 weeks!
And tomorrow is a bank holiday!!
Yes!
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I love the smell of slow cooking onion and garlic..mmm..
Making an old fashioned pot roast for our dinner guest tonight. It'll cook itself while I'm at work.
Crud, gotta go to work.. :-(

:-)

"I can understand
how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one


I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
when I start to make you nervous
and I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
...
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way"

My new red leather boots! Yeah baby!

Finally off work. Headed to Wimberley for Market Days. Beautiful day!!
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"When you see someone putting on his Big Boots, you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen." - Winnie the Pooh

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
-Charles DuBois

"God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and to make you exactly the way you were meant to be."

"One moment I think she's one sandwich short of a picnic and the next moment I think she's the next best thing since sliced bread"

“In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.”
-Coco Chanel


some awesome favorites for today..

Had a fabulous day. Visited with a friend, lunch with Josh at Potbellys, and shopping with the 2 most awesomest teens on the planet.
I should have more of these days off... like maybe 30 or so a month?!
:-)

A day off work!!
And so much to do..
How does one choose?
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Well I'm back on the job hunt again. I told my boss I would be leaving sometime in the near future. I hated having to tell him that because I really like him. He's a great guy. But I really don't think this was a good fit. he wasn't surprised at all. He said he knew it was a 50/50 chance that I would like it but he was hoping for the best. It's just too black and white and all about rules, regulations, and corporate crap. Nothing is done at the local branches. Working most saturdays sucks. And the scheduling time off ordeal is a deal breaker. I have to know right now when I'm taking a few days off in 2010?! And only a few days at a time..totaling one week?! Right. Not going to happen. I plan to go to Ethiopia, Africa at least once, plus any trips at church I can get on. Then we have girls trips, family vacations, impromptu Shileen needs to get out of town trips, etc.. The whole spontaneity thing.. hello?? What was I thinking? Thinking I needed to change. But one can't simply flip ones self over onto their head and expect to perform excellently upside down. This is as left brained a job as you can get with no option of leaving town. And I thought I could pull it off? I guess I wanted whatever was opposite of me.
So if you know of anything part time, FLEXIBLE scheduling, maybe even contract style job, send it my way...
I'll still be at the bank for november,and part of december probably unless I find something else sooner..
Gotta go get dressed for lunch with my long lost traveling girlfriend Rene at Mama Fu's in GT..
then for the dreaded four letter word..((work))

I am strong because I am weak. I am beautiful because I know my flaws. I am a lover because I am a fighter. I am fearless because I have been afraid. I am wise because I have been foolish. And I can laugh because I've known sadness.