Today's project - the front hall/coat closet. This is probably the one I have dreaded the most, surprisingly enough. It is jam packed with sports gear and old coats and hats and scarves, gloves, etc.. I have been trying to figure a way out of doing this one today, but it needs it, and it's next on the list. I figure the only way it's going to get done is if I post it here. Accountability.
..1 hr later..
DONE!!!! That wasn't so bad.

I found the most wonderful thing in my closet today. A love note from Josh written 19 years ago this month. Before we were married. It was like 10 pages long in this otherwise blank notebook. What a treasure to find. Had to share a couple of pages..
<3

Sorry, I was sick Sunday and Monday, and I worked Tuesday. Guess this is going to be longer than 20 days. Today and tomorrow - your closet. It's gonna be a doozie. But I have decided that after all of this I need to have a garage sale. I have too much stuff. So about a week and a half from now (provided I'm ready) I'm gonna have a huge garage sale to help fund Jordan's graduation trip to Thailand in May. There will be massive amounts of clothes, evening gowns, prom dresses, shoes, bags, furniture, decor, books, homeschool books(for older ages), etc.. You name it, I have too much of it. Now I have the motivation I need to get this done. So - headed back to the black hole, aka, my closet. Pray for me.

Todays joy - clean out the 'under the sink' cabinet. And clean out your indoor trash cans and recycling bins, like with a garden hose out back. :)

Day 3-4

Your pantry. (Kristi, I guess you get the weekend off) for the rest of us it's a 2 day job -  It's about to get ugly up in here. We have lived here for 10 years. Enough said.

p.s. Josh is home!!!!!!!

Day 2

ok seriously now..   If you're in this declutter thing with me. Go clean out your cooking utensil drawers in your kitchen. I just did mine and it took me half an hour, but I got carried away and cleaned out my silverware drawer too. I had 3 drawers and I emptied them all onto the counter and threw out half the stuff, because I hadn't used them in years, then organized them by drawer in order of most used.  Lol, no hating please, I'm just trying to help :)

Hi, my name is Shileen. I think we may have met. I blog here on occasion, how about you? Lurker? Occasional commenter? Oh, hi, nice to meet you. Sorry I haven't done much with the place, been really busy. Well, not really.
2 more days till Josh comes home. I'm kinda used to him not being here. I am actually functioning just fine. That's probably a sign that he's been gone too long. Ok, so I"m functioning, but not really functioning. I'm depressed and not getting much done. I came across this '40 bags in 40 days' list and I started following it. Basically each day you get rid of a bag of stuff from 1 of the 40 locations listed in your home. I have been wanting to clean and declutter like I mentioned last time, and this may be a good tool for me. Maybe I should shorten it to 2 a day in 20 though, cause really, I need my house clean before 40 days. Today I just did 1 room, cause I hadn't thought of the 2 in 20 yet...Wanna join? Go clean out your laundry room. Take a trash bag and some clorox wipes. Go! Don't think, just do.
Now for a picture sentence..

I wish this were my bathroom

and this dress was in my closet

then I would eat this cake..

as I was getting on a plane to go to this spot in Italy.
The End.

Tonight the girls and I had a chic flick movie night. Complete with way too much chocolate. We're all going to have to work out extra hard tomorrow.
I helped with some details for a destination wedding today at work. If I could do it over again today, I would totally go that route. Just your closest friends and family, an intimate setting right on the beach. Barefoot, flowers tied together with a ribbon, late afternoon - close to sunset, flowy dress, yeah that's how I would design it. Dinner following on a candle lit deck or pier, with little white lights in trees, and candles everywhere...              Ok, sorry, I will quit now. Not getting married again. Kind of like the guy I've got.    :)    Even though he's in Berlin..    :(

Ok, so is it just me, or do other people require motivation to get stuff done? I need a reward or something to get me off my butt. All day long I tell myself, you can't do this until you do this. or if you go to the gym, you can have this. Well I need some bigger motivators. I need my closet cleaned out, but have zero motivation. It's like a 2 day project. And it will be challenging. But I have nothing pressing on me to do it, so I haven't. Isn't that just sad? I also need something to look forward to, to enjoy life. Like a vacation coming up or an event I'm excited about. But there is nothing on the calendar. At all. Nothing to get excited about. Nothing to plan and dream about. This makes me sad. I don't really have extra money to go anywhere with all the bills we have due this year and college payments starting next summer. So I'm kind of stuck. I hate that I require stimulation and goals for my happiness. It's a character flaw I know. I'm trying to learn the joy of just being, and I'm getting better at it for sure, but I still long for the adventures and excitement. I need help finding the joy in doing dishes and laundry and cooking and driving and working part time. I am grateful for my life, and that needs to come out in my emotions. But sometimes the 2 just don't connect and I'm not sure why. Maybe I really am chemically imbalanced like my therapist said a few years ago. But even if I am, I couldn't handle the treatment. Those drugs were from the devil.
I'm rambling, but I'll quit now. I'm just a bored housewife whose husband is out of town and I'm lonely and sitting here with a laptop. So I'm whining to you. You people without names or faces. Out there in digital no mans land. I'm glad you're there.

Why does everyone keep leaving me?? Am I destined for a life of friendless solitude? Ok, I'm being a little dramatic, but Heather is now likely moving to San Francisco for Matt's job. That will be the 4th loss of a best friend in the last few years. Who will go drink pina coladas and then wander aimlessly with me through the aisles of target as they're trying to close?
She was there through the worst period of my life, and we will always be friends. So I  guess I'll just have another cool place to go visit..

Josh has just left for Paris and Germany. I don't like this one bit. I strongly dislike being a temporary single parent. And I don't like killing bugs and fixing things. And I can't help with Calculus. I am dependent on him completely. Sad, but true. Oh, and I also miss him a ton.
Michael will be in and out alot as he is playing guitar for Josh this weekend. (Which also means midweek rehearsals, etc.) Besides that fact, he can't seem to keep himself away from Jordan for very long these days, despite living in Waco.  :)  It's so cute.
Papa's 60th birthday celebration was Saturday night and since Michael was here we made him come along and meet that half of the family. I'm pretty sure they liked him. He had a great time as well.

My black cat is a terrorist, just so you know. He's giving me the eye.

10 years ago

Ten years ago I had just dropped off Hannah at preschool and was on my way back home when Josh called. He told me to turn on the news. I remember pulling into the mall parking lot just to listen to the radio, and I remember being in absolute shock when the 2nd plane hit. I then rushed home to turn on the television. Josh met me there and we watched the news all day long in utter disbelief. Our only break was to pick up Jordan from elementary school and Hannah from preschool later that afternoon. (We hadn't started homeschooling yet and school didn't let them out early. ) They were really too young to understand, but we made them watch for a minute anyway.

One thing in particular I remember, and loved, was how in the days after, everyone was proudly flying their American flags everywhere. Yards, cars, businesses, etc. It was a very unifying tragedy that I wish we hadn't forgotten so soon.

Stealing this from a friend of a friend.
If you are a mom to girls (or even sons interested in girls) you need to read.

Bringing up Girls excerpt

-The Charm Bracelet-

Sweet sixteen had finally come! I never thought I'd make it. But I did. And it was amazing. My parents threw the birthday party of the century, and I had more people over than I could count. The whole day had been awesome. But as I watched the sun begin to set, I knew the best part was soon to come.
It was late in the evening. Confetti had been swept up, helium balloons had started to sag, and gift wrapping had been folded neatly and tucked away for my mom's later use. As I sat at my window studying the dusky sky, Dad peeked into my room with a smile.
"Ready to go, Sweetie?" he asked.
Was that a trick question? I wondered as I scrambled to my feet. I'd been waiting for this night for five long years, and it was finally here! I was now officially allowed to date!
The plan was for my parents and me to go to my favorite restaurant on the night of my sixteenth birthday and officiate the agreement, go over standards, and discuss rules and such. And now we were finally on the way.
I sat across from my parents in a quiet corner booth. Having just placed our orders, I figured it was time to get on with it. "So, I can go out with any guy I want to, right?" I squealed, hardly able to contain my excitement.
Mom and Dad chuckled. Dad answered, "Well, we agreed to that, didn't we?"
"Sweet!" I exclaimed, doing a little victory dance in my seat. My parents had held me off for years, but now that the time had come, they would let me date any guy I wanted! Of course, they knew I had a good relationship with God and wasn't too short on common sense, either.
"Now wait just a second," Mom interrupted with a smile. "You have to agree to a little something yourself."
I was expecting a lecture of some sort, so I was already prepared. "So what do I have to do now?" I asked, leaning forward on my elbows.
"Just open this," Dad answered, producing a small white box. He gave a mysterious smile.
I hesitated a moment before removing the curly pink ribbon. I slowly opened the lid and saw a beautiful silver bracelet. But not just any bracelet. It was a charm bracelet. And they weren't just any charms. They were gemstones, small but gorgeous. A dozen dainty charms dangled gently. "Wow." I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't expecting this at all.
"Now you have to understand this isn't just any bracelet," Mom informed me.
"I know," I said. "It is so beautiful!" I studied it closer. There were six small charms alternating with six tinier ones. The smaller ones were a deep blue. Sapphires, I guessed. And the other six were each different. One appeared to be just a rock, one was pink, a white one, a red one, green, and.....was that a diamond?
"This charm bracelet is symbolic," Dad explained, leaning in closer to study it with me. "It represents you and your purity. This is what will guide you through your dating relationships. Your mother and I can only tell you what's right. We can't make you believe it yourself. Hopefully, this will."
I looked up solemnly, "I'm listening."
"This represents the first time you hold a guy's hand," Mom said, pointing to the gray one. "It's just a piece of polished granite. Seemingly cheap, yes, but it's still a part of your bracelet. This is pink quartz."
Then she gently rubbed the next one between her fingers. "It represents your first kiss."
"This green one is an emerald," Dad continued. "This is your first boyfriend. The pearl is the first time you say 'I love you' to a man other than me."
I giggled. This was so amazing.
"The ruby stands for your engagement. And the diamond represents the time you say 'I do,'" Mom finished.
After letting it all sink in, I cleared my emotion-clogged throat. "What are the six tiny sapphires for?" I asked.
"Those are to remind you how beautiful and valuable you are to us and to God," Dad replied. "Now, here's the hitch in all this, the one and only rule you'll ever have to follow when it comes to dating."
Only one rule. Sounded good. But little did I know.......
"Whenever you give one of these actions of love - a kiss, an 'I love you,' a hand to hold - you also have to give the recipient the gem to match."
I must've misunderstood. "I have to give him the gem?"
"You have to give it to him," Mom restated.
I was silent for a moment. I thought they must be joking. But they weren't even thinking of cracking a smile.
"But Daddy!" I suddenly shrieked. "These are insanely expensive! I can't just give them away!"
He gave a soft, loving chuckle. "Did you hear what you just said?"
I thought about it.
"Baby, your purity, your heart, they're far more valuable than a few little rocks. If you can't find it in your heart to give away your little charms, I don't think you would be giving away the things they represent."
I could feel my insides melting, ready to gush out my tear ducts. On the one hand, it made me feel valuable and precious. But on the other, it made me furious. It made no sense. But it would.
A few weeks after that night, I was hanging out with my friends at the beach. Chad wouldn't swim because I wouldn't swim. I was more interested in reading than getting caked with sand, and he was more interested in sitting with me than swimming with his buddies. He was sweet. He was cute. He tried to hold my hand.
I was thrilled for a nanosecond when a certain piece of ugly granite flashed through my mind and made me move out of his reach. I was severely annoyed - annoyed at my parents, annoyed at my bracelet-turned-handcuffs, but most of all, annoyed at myself. I was letting a little rock dominate my romantic life.
I furiously glared at it during the whole embarrassing walk to the bathhouse. But then God hit me upside the head with a shocking epiphany. I couldn't give up my little chunk of granite. It was part of my bracelet, which in a sense made it a part of me. I wouldn't be whole without it. It wasn't a priceless gem, yet it was still valuable. It made sense after that.
Kevin came along eventually. We had fun. We hung out a lot. I thought I might love him. I thought I might tell him so.
I thought of my pearl.
It turned out I didn't love him as much as I thought I did.
So my parents had been right. They couldn't make me believe the things they wanted me to believe. So they let God and my bracelet do the work instead. Among the four of them, I figured out how valuable I was. How valuable my purity was. How not valuable guys were who were just wasting my time and emotions. If they weren't in it for the whole bracelet, why should they get one part of it.
Nate. He thought my bracelet was awesome. So he never tried to hold my hand. He never tried to kiss me. But he asked me to marry him
I never knew that so many years of torture could amount to so much happiness. I'd thought it was silly. I'd thought it was overrated. But now, I have never been more glad of anything in my life.
As I gave my husband the charm bracelet in it's entirety, i wondered why I had found it so hard to hang on to those little rocks when it was so amazing to give them all to the man I truly loved.
But it didn't end there. Now our daughter wears it.  - Raising Up by Dr. James Dobson

*So it's a bit late for Jordan, (at least half of it anyways ;) ) but it's a great concept. Maybe a bit over the top for my taste. When they were younger I would have been all for it, but as they have become older it becomes a little more challenging. Still I love the idea of not giving your heart away so freely as most girls do these days. I believe we have instilled these same values, and because of this, all of Jordan's firsts will likely be with the same one man. I have no doubt Hannah will follow in the same way.

This is Bastrop right now. The fires have destroyed almost 1000 1626 homes so far. Leander and Steiner Ranch fires are almost under control.

Monday afternoon we had some of the guys over for a jam session (and food). They are absolutely amazing musicians. Why the Lord has them hidden is beyond my understanding.

*So Pat Jones was one of my 3 counselors after my affair. I put her through all kinds of grief, and even lied to her. Twice. Yet, she still helped me. Well last Sunday, I saw her and gave her a hug, and she stopped me and said to me that she was so proud of me. What?! I was kind of shocked and argued a bit about how much grief I had given her, and that she was crazy for saying such a thing. But she repeated herself. Saying that she had meant to tell me for some time now how proud she was of me. Wow. I was so incredibly in awe and humbled. I guess I just don't see what she does, and can't see this from the outside.  But thank God somebody does!
*There are wildfires raging all around us. Central Tx made national news. There is complete devastation going on in Bastrop with no end in sight. Everywhere, everyone praying for rain.  Worst summer ever, weather wise.
In happier news it's in the 80's today because of a cool front. Amazingly beautiful if you can ignore the smoke in the air.
*Michael spent the weekend here. They had a wonderful first official date, and have been inseparable ever since. Kinda reminds me of Josh and I.  Like, a lot. Marriage ,apparently, has already been introduced into their vocabulary. They seem to already know. Like Josh and I did. When it's the one, it's the one, and you know. This scares me for several reasons. I don't want her to take the path that I did. I want her to continue down the path we have planned. And she promises she will, absolutely. She just can't guarantee she won't be married while doing it. I told her I can't afford a wedding and college at the same time. She laughs. I'm not kidding. So hopefully they will wait a few years, and let M get his MBA, and J get her degree. But I'm not holding my breath.
I have faith in these kids, that they will do the right thing for themselves, not for me. Whatever that may be.
Yes, I'm getting ahead of myself. They're only talking about it. But I'm a mom, I do these things.
I must apologize publicly for doing this to my mom when I was this age. This is hard stuff. Love you mom, and thank you for supporting me despite my crazy choices. I wouldn't trade any of it, however. For without those choices, I wouldn't have these wonderful, amazing children and husband. Life has a funny way of working stuff out.

Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

Jordan had her first "official date" with her boyfriend tonight. They were so cute I had to take a picture..