Shileen's Blog

Tonight the girls and I had a chic flick movie night. Complete with way too much chocolate. We're all going to have to work out extra hard tomorrow.
I helped with some details for a destination wedding today at work. If I could do it over again today, I would totally go that route. Just your closest friends and family, an intimate setting right on the beach. Barefoot, flowers tied together with a ribbon, late afternoon - close to sunset, flowy dress, yeah that's how I would design it. Dinner following on a candle lit deck or pier, with little white lights in trees, and candles everywhere...              Ok, sorry, I will quit now. Not getting married again. Kind of like the guy I've got.    :)    Even though he's in Berlin..    :(

Ok, so is it just me, or do other people require motivation to get stuff done? I need a reward or something to get me off my butt. All day long I tell myself, you can't do this until you do this. or if you go to the gym, you can have this. Well I need some bigger motivators. I need my closet cleaned out, but have zero motivation. It's like a 2 day project. And it will be challenging. But I have nothing pressing on me to do it, so I haven't. Isn't that just sad? I also need something to look forward to, to enjoy life. Like a vacation coming up or an event I'm excited about. But there is nothing on the calendar. At all. Nothing to get excited about. Nothing to plan and dream about. This makes me sad. I don't really have extra money to go anywhere with all the bills we have due this year and college payments starting next summer. So I'm kind of stuck. I hate that I require stimulation and goals for my happiness. It's a character flaw I know. I'm trying to learn the joy of just being, and I'm getting better at it for sure, but I still long for the adventures and excitement. I need help finding the joy in doing dishes and laundry and cooking and driving and working part time. I am grateful for my life, and that needs to come out in my emotions. But sometimes the 2 just don't connect and I'm not sure why. Maybe I really am chemically imbalanced like my therapist said a few years ago. But even if I am, I couldn't handle the treatment. Those drugs were from the devil.
I'm rambling, but I'll quit now. I'm just a bored housewife whose husband is out of town and I'm lonely and sitting here with a laptop. So I'm whining to you. You people without names or faces. Out there in digital no mans land. I'm glad you're there.