My beauties

Fun evening at the beach. Campfire, roasting marshmellows, s'mores,
silly campfire songs, good conversation. Great way to start the
holiday. Can't wait to hit the waves in la mañana..

So I was picking up lunch and wondering what we were going to do for
memorial day when I started thinking about what i'd LIKE to be doing
(laying on a beach), so being me, I decided to just go. Lucky for me
the other 3 agreed. The car is packed and now we're off. Just have to
figure out where exactly we're going.. Probably Port A, cause it's
close = more beach time
:-)

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Ok so this party was at René's country club. The very fact that one of
my best friends BELONGS to one shocks me. Not my thing. At all. Maybe
it would be if I had tons of money and only wanted to hang out with
those like me. But I seriously doubt it. If René had that snooty
attitude I'd ditch her in a heartbeat. But she's not like that at all.
It really surprises me that she likes it there. It's kind of
ridiculous how the workers won't let her carry anything. Like if they
see her carrying a bag to or from a car they run and grab it from her.
That would drive me crazy. I can carry my own bag thank you. And then
send that extra money to save kids in Africa.
Ok, rant over now. :-)

I invented a new product. Need to talk to someone about manufacturing
costs..
But i must sleep now

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Had a fun afternoon at jakes graduation party. Josh and the band
played,( after the rain left)
I played alot of crazy extreme water volleyball and saw alot of
people I haven't seen in a while. The bottom of my feet are all torn
up..

It's 1:30 in the morning, I should be in bed. Something just feels off. You ever get that feeling that something's about to change, or happen?
I need some change to occur.
Hoping it's for the better

Congrats Jake!

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise

Finally heading home. Long day, but good. Gotta drive..

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Playing tour guide today for Ren and her family that are in town.
First stop, Mt Bonnell, then Hula Huts for lunch..

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"illusion never changed, into something real..
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.."

Great lunch with Ren at BB's, kids are off to babysit, I'm off to go box with Mike, then bikini shopping with Ren at the domain after work.
Africa may be back on the table in my future. And no, not Kenya it seems. Holding out hope..
Possibilities.

Goodbye Jack

Oh, my brothers and sisters in Christ, if sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies; and if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay, and not madly to destroy themselves. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for. // C.H. Spurgeon

I shed more tears for Africa yesterday at church. They showed another
video of Xai Xai and had the Staubers up to be prayed over and sent
out. I was actually in the video 3 times. Was quite surprised by that
actually. Josh thinks it was done on purpose, kind of their way of
acknowledging me. I doubt it, but it was still nice either way. One more
church party for them Wednesday, then they're gone. I actually talked
to Mel on Sunday finally. He told me about their plans then we said
our goodbyes.
So my hair appt is Wednesday and I think I'm gonna go even blonder for
the summer.
Something is wrong with my knuckle on my left index finger. Might be
from boxing. Hope not.
So much on my mind. No way to organize the thoughts.

You gotta cry before you sing
 
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Lost

My favorite show is coming to an end tonight. Very sad. I hadn't cared as much about a show ending like this since Seinfeld. 24 is also over tomorrow night. I guess I will be done with tv for a good long while. After Lee wins AI wednesday.. :-)

Finally got the living room lights I wanted. Thanks for installing them Josh!

Sisters turn to graduate. Where does she want to go eat? Oasis. Haha,
twice in one week..

A knight in shining armour just swooped in and carried me away from
Photoshop hell to take me out to dinner :-)

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some of the wedding photos I just did :-)

I've been editing wedding pics all day. Need a break for a minute.
Will post some this afternoon..

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave". Mohandas Gandhi

That was the hardest workout yet. I think I'm going to throw up or
pass out.
I dropped a 13x9 glass baking dish on my foot and it
shattered into a billion pieces. Ouch.
And no Mark, I wasn't playing scrabble at the time..
Time to put on the little black dress.

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And I don't want the world to see me 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand 
When everything's made to be broken 
I just want you to know who I am 

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So this morning I applied for a job with a private investigator. I
really really think I would love that job. It's not the CIA, but a
little more practical for my life.
Currently at the theatre about to see Letters to Juliet with my Jordan.
Working out/ boxing with Mike at 4. Then meeting Heather for pedicures
at 6, then we're going out for a girls night.
Josh is having the band over tonight for a rehearsal for a gig next
weekend.
Movie's starting..

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One of the cutest newborn pictures I've seen in a long time

This was taken by my friend Mark Peters in Ireland of his new son Riley. Congrats Mark!

 

Real, funny signs

Kinda like our driveway, minus the flying stones. Unless I don't like
you that day..

Must be a womens rest room..
Note the bottom two :-)

Josh just totally grossed me out making me look at pictures of venomous snakes to watch for. I'm going to have nightmares again. I hate snakes. I had a nightmare recently about me being outdoors somewhere and they were coming at me from every direction and I was pulling this mosquito netting over myself to try to prevent them from getting at me. I hate snakes. He loves them. He just tried to catch one to show me. DISGUSTING!!!

♪
Looking back, on the memory of
The dance we shared, beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known, how the king would fall
Hey who's to say, you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
♫

Had lunch with Rene, beating up Mike in a few, but had a few minutes to spare so I, for some unknown reason, started looking at my blog posts from last summer and fall. Wow, there's not enough money in the world to pay me to relive that year. It is a true miracle of God I am even standing today. So many of my 'friends' really let me down. Big time. They still are. It is very heart breaking. I hope I am never that friend who lets my friends down. I know, I know, people will always let you down at some point, but there are still choices to be made when push comes to shove. You either stand with them or sit back and join the gawkers. I recently went out of my way to wish an old friend happy birthday and was completely ignored. No reply. That's just wrong, I don't care who you are. What happened to human decency? I don't think most people value real relationships anymore. It's like they just don't care; until tragedy arises and suddenly they need some help. Then you reap the rewards of what you've built, or you stand alone. I have made the effort this year to build solid relationships with people I think I will do life with for the rest of my days. I don't ever want to be standing alone again. I think I'm a pretty decent friend to have. I almost always say yes to the 'let's go do something' text, and I show up when I say I'm going to, and I don't have to settle for anything less in a relationship. I'm done worrying with those who don't have the time to reply to my questions, or don't respond to comments, or who flat out ignore you. It's just not worth it anymore. Those one sided relationships where I have to always be the pursuer are flat out exhausting. Plus, those people won't be there when you need them, so why should I waste my efforts.

Sorry to rant, but it's my blog and I can do whatever I want :-)

p.s. check out Cheryl's blog, she and her husband pastor the Oasis Church. She mentioned me :-)
cheryl williams

Storms are brewing.. Love the "fake" look right before a storm, like my neighborhood looks like a set from Mister Rogers.

Someone needs to get me out of here, pronto. I could go broke at this
place. Wait...

For the last year or so i have hated Mondays. For lots of reasons.
Today is different. In addition to my standing lunch dates with Josh
on Mondays and René on Tuesdays, i have girls night with Heather on
Thursday, and lunch with David Crowder on Sunday. Plus, I'm being very
productive today. It's like a fresh start every week. A new chance to
get it right and make it a good week. Maybe this week I'll get that
perfect job. Or find a partner who wants to go into business together.
Another photographer, or someone else who wants to open a floral shop
or a bakery or a specialized travel business. Anyone? I need a
business partner. A maintainer. I'm a visionary creative type. I need
someone who can make it happen.

There's a blimp!
I love coconut body butter, it smells sooo good.
Lunch date time, outdoors at the Arboretum..

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Busy weekend.
Tonight Josh and I worked a wedding. He was the music, I was the
photographer. Yes, I said I didn't want to ever do another wedding,
but it was a small intimate gathering and it seemed pretty low stress.
So I took the job. Glad I did. I think I got some good stuff. Will
post some pics this week.
Back on the job hunt tomorrow..

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My new favorite blog..
http://web.me.com/iryanennis/RYAN_IN_AFRICA/Welcome.html

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Lovely weather for a drive to San Marcos. This lightning is
incredible. My brother is getting his doctrate today. On my way to the
graduation ceremony with my mom. I'm so excited to see my Dad there,
seems like it's been forever. Then I get to see him again next week
for my little sisters graduation from UT.
Hannah and Jordan are doing weird sister things in the back seat. They
just give each other a look and bust out laughing. Or they talk in
their own language only they understand. Must be nice. I wish I had a
sister close to my age.

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Dessert

After my meeting, I saw on twitter that some of my friends were downtown at Shady Grove so i joined
them for some live music. Love Austin.

Submitted a bunch of resumes. Pray with me that something pans out.
Now headed downtown to meet the Kenya team.

And now, of course, I am knocked back into reality. The financial temporary fix we were hoping for didn't come through. I must get a job NOW.

So tonight I wasn't really even wanting to go to church; Rene was out
of town, Joe wasn't gonna be there, and i was just not in the mood.
But I went anyway. So glad I did.
You know, my hope was gone. Hope for anything effective to come out of
my life. Idealism-gone. I was actually starting to believe that I
might NOT change the world. Depression had set in. Troubles abound.
But then..
Charles was preaching. Midway through talking about Moses he stopped
and looked around and said "This is a word for one of you. You think
you're done and passed over because you messed up. But God has not
revoked the calling on you. Don't give up hope. He may just need to
put you on a shelf for a little while. "
Yeah. That was for me. A spark of life to an otherwise dry, darkened
soul.

In other news, I was invited by Elliott and Chris to go see David
Crowder next weekend and have lunch with him!! Yes!

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 You are judged by the strength of your enemies. -James Bond

Maldives. Who's in?

I'm still here.
Thinking about going to Kenya in August with Well Aware. You probably
remember me mentioning them last year. They build wells in Africa, which is one of the focuses of my future organization. Going downtown to their meeting
tomorrow night to get the scoop for this next trip. I may be hitting
you all up for fundraising, so watch out ;-)
I'm hoping this incredible sadness leaves soon and I return to my
perky self.
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[Fwd: Hello]

I wanted to share this email I received from a reader. It totally made
my day. Thanks for keeping up with me, and praying for me Cheryl. Start blogging again, it may help someone out there, you never know who might be reading..

Shileen,

Hello. It's been a long time. Don't know if you remember me or not. We had
lunch one day last year. Anyway, you had said at that time that you
couldn't be friends because my husband knew David and I totally respected that.
After we had our lunch (within a few days), my husband had gotten a text from
David saying that he had gotten a new job and that he would be calling
him. He never heard from him again. It was our understanding that they had
moved away. I don't know if that was true or not and don't care to know either
way. So, I just wanted you to know that my husband has not had any further
contact with him. I will continue to respect your wishes, but thought
after all this time, it might be ok to just write this once.

I have kept up with you on your blog. I love it. I love your honesty and
openness. I love your sense of humor and I sometimes laugh out loud at the
way you react to some things as it sounds like me. :) I have read the highs
and the lows. I rejoice with you when you are rejoicing and when you seem a
little down, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have a blog myself, but
have not blogged in some time. It is amazing to me who reads it and why
they read it. I really got it started so that our family members could keep up
with us. But, as it turns out there are those that read it that don't
really like me and really only wish bad for me, which makes me sad. So, I
haven't blogged and have been thinking of starting it up again. I said all that
to say this, I think that you are SO courageous and brave. You have stood
tall in the face of adversity and taken it head on and for that I applaud
you. You haven't backed down Shileen. I read the other day where you wrote
about how high your numbers are and that is great. But, it made me sad to see
that people still search for the controversy. What a shame.

I am sorry that you are going through a tough time right now. But, I will
tell you this, GOD has a plan for you. And that plan and calling was not
revoked off of your life. I pray that you keep the faith my sister and keep on
going strong. I will be praying for you. I pray that you feel the warmth
of HIS embrace today.

Blessings to you,
Cheryl Williams

There is so much going on that I can't even write about on here.
Partly because of my audience, and partly because of the unknown
audience. I am so stressed and troubled. I don't know that I've ever
been so discouraged and disheartened.
Those who pray, please pray. Those who don't, you should start.

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"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met"

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"I could tell, by the way she parked her car sideways, that it
wouldn't last.."

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i am sooo tired from a ridiculously early wake up..
René booked me on Southwest, which is probably the only airline I dont
have frequent flier miles on. Not sure how I feel about them. I mean
the whole open seating thing is a study in human interaction. For
instance, if you get on first, then you really have no control over
who sits next to you, but if u get on last, you have to scan all the
people row by row and make quick surface evaluations of who you are
going to spend the next couple of hours with. Admittedly I had already
begun to size people up at the gate. I ended up picking a couple
sitting in the exit row. Hey, lots of leg room. Didn't want to risk
starting my own row with all the creepers behind me eyeballing me for
the last hour. Not sure I like that whole process. Except they still
have free checked baggage. A plus.
Took a 2 hour nap in the Nashville airport. Then on the last flight
someone made the mistake of asking about a good BBQ restaurant and the
big debate started with all us locals. It was a fun discussion and a
good way to identify all the Austinites as they came out of the
woodwork.
Anyways... After a small delay I landed a little after noon and when I
was going down the escalator, I suddenly missed my spouse and got the
urge to have a dramatic reunion so I saw Josh across the hall and ran
to him and jumped on him as if I hadn't seen him in months. Josh said
I caused a pretty big scene with an audience. But he didn't mind :-)
Came home, had a nap, then we took the girls and saw Iron Man 2. Josh
and I agreed it was better than the first.
Now another playoff party here at the house...

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So yeah Ohio may be pretty flat but the trees here are huge. Beautiful.
It's after 11 here and I have to be up at 5 to catch an early flight
home. (thanks Rene. Not) So I'm going to sleep.
I love meeting new people and invading their lives for a short while.
I think we always grow from it. Learning about others increases our
capacity for compassion and love, and opens our mind to see things
from a different angle.
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Downtown Cincinnati was pretty cool. Hello Ohio

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Well, Kentucky is very .. green.

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Stopped for BBQ somewhere between Memphis and Nashville. Waters
getting deeper..

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Did u know a stretched out flat slinky is 87 feet long? Thanks
Arkansas.

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Life took a turn for the crazy yesterday. Now I'm on the road about
to hit arkansas , I think

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Ok, the kids are watching something on the downstairs tv, and Josh and
friend/friends? are upstairs watching the playoff game. I suppose I'll
go up and join them momentarily, but I had to wash my hair. Seriously.
So in my next house I want the shower to be like a huge cave with a
waterfall and shrubbery. And a bench to sit and shave on. And in my
room, when you walk in you have to cross a small bridge to get to my
bed because there will be a pond underneath that runs winding through
the house connecting the major rooms. With fish. And floating candles.
And an indoor forest in the living room. And no window coverings. And
lots of land outside to build a barn and a garden and a golf course.
In the casita will be a photo studio, next door to casita #2 will be a
music studio. Back inside the ceilings will have to be very tall so
all the birds will have room to escape the cats. And my laundry room
will be as big as a kitchen. And so will the closets.
On a side note, if the whole saving the world thing doesn't work out,
I'd like to open a bakery. I like baking sweet things.
Go Spurs Go!

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I had a nice 'austin' day today. Met Rene out at the lake after
church. By the time I got out there Jake and Chris had already taken
the post prom kids out on the boat so R and I just went to the beach
club. Laid around in the pool then walked down to the amphitheater
where I did an impromptu ballet dance for her, then walked over to the
beach and walked around in the lake for a little while. Then we all
headed back up the hill to the house and showered. Then Rene, chris,
Jake and his date, and I went into town to go to Austin Stone. Then
afterwards went to SoCo for some HomeSlice pizza, and sat out on the
back deck under the stars and globe lights. It was so much fun.
Until Chris started calling me a screamer. And I was shocked that he
knew. I looked at Rene cause I knew the context and where he had to
have gotten it from. So the story was at my last workout Mike had
pushed me real hard on my ab crunches and I really didn't think I
could do the last one. It took everything within me to get it done and
when I landed I kinda let out a rather loud scream. More like a groan
I would say, but either way I think the whole gym heard me and i
apologized and didn't think much of it. Until apparently Mike texted
Rene, who he also trains, and told her about it who then cracked up at
the office where Chris also works, who then had to know what was so
funny, so then she told him. Now the world knows I'm a screamer. So.
At least I'm not a boy who uses face spritzer, DUVA!
It was a very fun day.
And my Ohio trip has been delayed a few days cause rene's mom in law
who I was driving to Ohio, met a man at the gas station on friday and
is going on a date with him Tuesday and will decide then whether to
stay here a while longer, or not. Yes, I'm for real.
And yes, Mom, I will still be back in time for your birthday party in
Utopia Saturday :-)
Ok I'm going to bed now. Goodnight world

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Well... Life keeps moving.. Got my bikini on and am headed out to the
lake with new friends
Hello sunshine!!

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Just saw my old bestfriend of 12 years across the parking lot. Heart
breaking.

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"The one thing we owe absolutely to God is to never be afraid of anything." -Charles deFoucauld

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Josh says to me while laying in bed falling asleep - "I like you.
You're interesting, unique, intelligent, and intense. Your personality
has high amplitude. You don't have subtle relationships. You're kind
of like relational adrenaline."
Hmm.. I think that was a compliment

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'If you leave, don't look back, I'll be running the other way..'

'I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight.
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life.
And you know it was over before it began..'

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All creation waits…
Oh, for you to take your place, take your place

All the stars are waiting for you to shine
And your heart is beating to find it's home in mine

Wake up it's time to dream bigger
Wake up it's time.

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Busy day in a few hours. Shooting range, helping the Harris's move,
shooting some prom pictures, and lots of errands mixed into the day.
Saturdays are never long enough. Or frequent enough. Goodnight world

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