"how long have I 
been in this storm 
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form 
water's getting harder to tread 
with these waves crashing over my head 

if I could just see you 
everything will be alright 
if I'd see you 
the darkness will turn to light 

and I will walk on water 
and you will catch me if I fall 
and I will get lost into your eyes 
and everything will be alright 
and everything will be alright 

I know you didn't 
bring me out here to drown 
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down 
barely surviving has become my purpose 
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface 

if I could just see you 
everything will be alright 
if I see you 
the darkness will turn to light 

and I will walk on water 
and you will catch me if I fall 
and I will get lost into your eyes 
and everything will be alright 

and I will walk on water 
you will catch me if I fall 
and I will get lost into your eyes 
and everything will be alright 
I know everything is alright 
everything's alright "


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I spent a good portion of the weekend at church running camera for our mens conference. They were some great messages, but the physical demand on my body was just too much. My shoulder muscles are bruised from overuse. It's just not ok for your body to be in that position for hours on end. I much prefer mens events to womens, however. Better food, better music, and being in a room full of men puts me at ease. I feel safe, and protected, and comfortable. I always had mostly male friends growing up, and brothers, so I just feel better around them. As opposed to womens events where I am uncomfortable and on edge, and I don't know what to do with myself. It's not that I'm manly. Quite the opposite. I consider myself very feminine and prefer dresses to jeans any day. But I guess I just have trouble relating to most women. Not sure why. I don't like bridal/baby showers, tea parties, salad luncheons, etc.. But I love being a woman. Can't figure it out.
Robert Barriger spoke this weekend. He's a missionary with one of the most influential churches in Peru
(Camino De Vida).  He has an orphanage that rescues abandoned children and raises them. Amazing ministry. He is so inspirational to me. Just a surfer who wanted to change the world, and God used him. I pray I can one day be used again. 
Josh went to the neurologist today and was assured that all the side effects he's having are normal. And he will recover; it's just going to take some time. Good news.
I stopped into the Bistro in Gtown for lunch today and spent well over an hour talking with the owner Louann(an acquaintance). Had a great chat, didn't intend to stay that long, but I am so glad I did. I really like her. I am having lunch with Rene tomorrow, the Gatlins on Wednesday, and seeing Heather Thursday night. I think maybe I'm missing my friends.   Lonely, and feeling blue. Grateful for all the blessing in my life though. I really really am.

So I got home from work today and immediately threw down my purse and the mail and headed outside to get my gardening gloves. It had been 3 days since the last time I got to play outside. I decided to dig up this huge tropical plant/bush that I loved, that had not survived the cold this year. I can't believe how difficult it was! I kept digging and digging and digging and I would pull, but it just wouldn't come out. That's when the spiritual light bulb came on. This is what it must have been like with me. I had to get out my gardening loppers and literally cut the roots, all 50 of them, and even then I had to use all my might and a shovel to pry this thing out. When it finally came out, there was this hole. A crater. If I don't fill it with something beautiful and alive, it will fill itself, with all manner of nastiness. It's like a blank canvas. Ready to be created again. Wow. Heavy stuff, huh?
Well before you go thinking I'm just that Holy, listen to this. I then proceeded to turn on the garden hose and while messing around with my new nozzle, it came on full blast and sprayed me right in the face. Like a hard flood, on my face. I literally laughed out loud. :)

On Saturday Jordan and I went prom dress shopping, with great success. Sunday I was back on cameras for first 2 services, then Sunday night Jordan and I went with Renè and Joe and Lori to see Cirque de Soleil. Amazing show. Hannah stayed with Josh for me.
After work today I pulled weeds and removed all the dead plant leaves from my pond garden. I also planted onions, tomatoes, eggplant(accidentally grabbed the wrong vegetable seedling at the store), and strawberries in the back yard. Can't wait to see them all grow. I love playing in the dirt. It makes me happy and I don't know why.
Josh is a bit better today. That makes me happy and I do know why.

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I'm still here. Between taking care of things at the house, Josh, and the new job, there is no more me time. Or blog time. Hopefully things will die down in the drama department soon. Josh's recovery is coming along at a snails pace. He could use more prayers. We actually went back to the ER at some point this week because of burning, numbness and tingling in the area of his pizza sized, black hematoma. All they found was another fractured rib they hadn't found before. So he's home resting all week, seeing as how he can't put on real clothes or walk real well.
My job has become tedious and boring, already.  Even though I got some time off this week to care for Josh.  I drive around in circles all day. Every culdesac, every dead end, every traffic circle, every dang street. I think driving for 2 straight weeks is starting to get to my head. Making me a little crazy and antisocial. (No comments from the gallery)  It's an even lonelier job than the last G** one. I don't ever get out of the car. At least on the cross country trip I had other people to play with. We made games out of driving, criss crossing, hide and seek around the 18 wheelers, windshield wiper spray targets, you name it, the desert was the playground. But here I am all alone. Boo hoo. Ok, pity party over.
I am so grateful for a job, and a very alive husband.

Thank you Jesus.

Got the call this evening you never want to get. The one from the police department telling you your husband has been in an accident and is being taken to the hospital. He was on a bike ride, I was at the gym. They told me he was unconscious for 20 minutes, according to the nurse who witnessed the whole thing on a bike behind him. Apparently a car was parked on the shoulder on Parmer lane and right when josh was flying by he opened the door. Josh flew over the door at a huge speed and skidded and landed pretty far away. He doesn't remember a thing until waking up in the ambulance. By the time I got to the hospital, Renè, Chase, Daniel and Will were all there and he had been taken back for scans. One broken rib, a jacked up arm, and a bad concussion. Miracle I tell you. Absolute miracle. The helmet pictured below, and prayer, saved his life. So grateful I have him lying next to me tonight. And so thankful for true friends who helped us so much tonight.
I am in awe.

Today Hannah got to play piano in the adult services. One of our regulars was on vacation. This was a huge step for her and a great honor. The guys in this band are world class, and for her at the age of 14 to get to play with them was huge. She was soooo excited, and she did great. I absolutely loved seeing her and her daddy both playing on the same stage.

Received one of the best texts of my life while on the road. Had to share.

"Good news. My kidneys have improved. I'm no longer in end stage renal failure. Every reason to believe that I could continue to improve. Celebrate for me!

Love mom."

Thank you all for praying, it's working!!!!

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Long driving day, but will be home tomorrow. Fort Stockton is lame. Just so you know..

In Tuscon, AZ -
Today was the shortest of our driving days, so I got to go shopping at H&M here  :)
Went for a late night swim, felt great after being hot all day in this desert air.
Tomorrow is our longest driving day, and we're adding a Tombstone detour into the mix, so it's gonna be a really long day. But tomorrow I get to sleep in West Texas!
goodnight all

Long story short, instead of keeping us extra days, they swapped out our other cars and gave us the brand new cars that just rolled in, because they had current stickers. So it all worked out for our good this morning. My car had only 24 miles on it.  :)
First day = long drive. It was absolutely beautiful for more than half the drive today. I posted some photos below from today. It was an absolute riot how everyone reacted to us. I can't tell you how many times people took my picture today. At gas stations, restaurants, and on the highway as we drove by, they'd have their cameras up and pointed my way. I simply smiled and waved. It was fun. So many people want to talk to you about it, but we're really not allowed to answer their questions. The most common phrase of the day by far was, "So that's how they do that, I always wondered.." The second most popular, is "how did you get that job?" I am wasted, and I'm only in Southern California, so I must sleep. goodnight all

I so wish I could click my heels and be home right now. This has been the weirdest day.
In the fall we had 5 days of training to take off with a couple of cameras, this time we have about a half a day of training, and take off with a new car and tens of thousands of dollars worth of camera equipment. You tell me, what is wrong with this picture?  THEN, while at dinner we find out that we can't leave as planned in the morning, cause they just found out all of our inspection stickers are expired and the new ones don't arrive until Wednesday! Um, planning anyone? So we are possibly stranded here for several more days. I'm stuck here with men who like to drink. ALOT. And they are obnoxious when they drink. AND I'm the only girl. Tonight was not fun. I feel sad for people like this. But what makes me sadder is being here stuck with them.  I want to go home.

Below is my car. About as subtle as a mac truck

I. am. tired.  13 hour travel day. Shouldn't have been. Got to the airport at 7am, didn't get into my room till 8pm, your time.
I did have a nice surprise this morning. I was sitting in the airport and up walks a coworker from the last Google assignment. And then another one walked up! I was so excited, they were both coming with me for the same job. So I won't really be solo all week. Just caravanning.  :)   Anyways, first flight to Phoenix was uneventful, but then our one hour layover turned into a 2 hour weather delay, then nearly 3. Then in flight a man near me starts coughing up a lung and can't breath. So the flight attendants spent the whole flight giving him oxygen from a tank and asking if his left arm hurt, and watching him like a hawk. He looked rough. When we landed we all had to wait for the EMS crew to come get him off the plane. Then our shuttle driver had to wait on just one more person.. even so much as to circle back after we had left the airport, to go back and pick up someone else. THEN.. get to the hotel and our rooms aren't ready, so we go out to eat at a nice little Italian joint we all remembered from the fall. Get back, and mine is STILL not ready. The front desk guy closed the front desk and went to locate the maid on property to get her to clean a room for me.       But now I am here and am going to bed.   Thankful for safe travels, and grateful for old friends to go the journey with me.
Love you all

Finally got my itinerary today. Looks like I'm leaving at the crack of dawn Sunday. I'll be training all day Monday and then traveling tuesday through friday. If you want to see the route they booked me on, you can see it here..
maps
I could make it in half the time, but I presume they just don't want me driving for more than 8 hours a day for legal reasons. I'll make the best of it. I'll spend my late afternoon hours in the hotel gyms, then watch a few movies, it'll be fine. I may have companions following behind in a long caravan; apparently there are 3 or 4 others joining me in capturing Austin. Like last time though, I will probably never see them once we leave California.
It will be a grand adventure in solo traveling, I am sure of it. I will keep you all updated daily while on the road. Cause I know you'll be wondering how I am. (yeah right) I can pretend you will be wondering. It will be more fun that way.

Went to the gym today for the first time since the fall. Yeah, I know, shame on me. But I went today. And I plan to keep going, so I'm telling you all for accountability reasons. I also spent 2 hours in my yard pulling weeds today. That counts as exercise too.

While sitting outside in the sun, reading my Bible, this afternoon, I was overcome with a sense of dread. The weather was beautiful, the birds were chirping. There was no reason for it. Josh started his new job Monday. He already has several far away trips lined up for the spring and summer. I fly out Sunday morning for my temp job. Then I may get to go to Tahiti end of May for my other job. Our new lives are really that, new. I wouldn't think that would be a problem. I like new.
Maybe it's that I can't resume donor testing until we settle into our new insurance plan in April.
Maybe it's just that our calm winter existence is coming to an end.
I've never really been a fearful person until lately. But I really don't have any idea what this next season will hold, and as much as it surprises me to say it, I'm scared.
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