stop the press!

Gotta throw in 2 more pics I just got in... Michael snapped a few of us girls hijacking the instruments while the guys were on break. Too much fun..

:)

Ok, so we've been real busy again this week, thus the lack of posts. So sorry, things should be back to normal soon. This week has been crazy, but good. One night we went ice skating with a bunch of folks, another night had people over to watch a game, another night we had a jazz jam session at Rene's. Another night was spent at the hospital at the living donor orientation. By day we've watched movies, waited in long lines to exchange sizes and such at stores, and put away the Christmas stuff. Today, I am happy to say, I am still in pj's and not planning on going anywhere. About to watch another movie. It's about time for the relaxing part. I did need to post a final blog entry for the year however, so I can send my book off to the printers as I do every year. My yearly printed blog book has proven to be quite a treasure to look back and read.

2010 has been a journey, and I am grateful for each one of you who have loved me through it. I really am looking forward to this next decade and what it holds for us all.
Catch everyone on the flipside! Happy New Years!

Happy Birthday to my Jesus, and Merry Christmas to all!

I promise to catch up on my blogging this week :)

Jordan finally got her license today. After tons of perfect practices, she hit the curb her first attempt at parallel parking. But, they gave her another shot and she nailed it. Apparently she nailed everything else too. She was so excited.
But now she has taken off to switch cars with her nana whose car she borrowed for the test. (Hers was much smaller and easier to park)
Her first solo trip. One of the harder moments of a moms life. Letting her take off like that was awful. Just the beginning of things to come..

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What a day.
Had my first phone screening from the donor organization. Next is donor orientation, then 3 + days of medical testing to see if I'm a match, and if I'm in good enough health. My mom is now in the final stage of renal failure and needs a kidney, like now. Please continue to pray for miraculous healing.
On a lighter note, I had my boys over for dinner and the Spurs game. So good to see Michael, who's home for the holidays.
I haven't laughed this hard, probably since our last guys night. It was awesome. I just love them to death, and I'm so grateful they're in our lives. Ok, it's like 1am again, and they just left. I'm going to bed.

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Had a great birthday today. Josh and the girls took me to my favorite clothes store, Emeralds, then we went to downtown Gruene for a while, then we got dinner and a chic flick and made S'mores. Wonderful day. I am so blessed to have my family. I can't imagine life without them.

Last night we took the girls and some of Jordans friends to Bethlehem in Burnet, and also to the trail of lights in Marble Falls, and also to the Cedar Park tree. They had a blast. I managed to snap a couple of awful pics with my little pocket camera. It really was great fun; I love hearing them talk and laugh. And we got to have Christmas song karaoke all the way there and back :)

Had a fabulous time tonight at Réne's party. I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with old friends, and meeting new ones.
So much could be said on the topic of friends but it's one in the morning and I can't think straight. So I won't try to explain how I feel. Right now anyways.
GN

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Stand. And when you can stand no more, stand some more. Hold your ground. Don't give up the land you've already conquered. You have come too far.
Don't let any earthly being dictate your worth and value. The Lord loves you. The Lord values you. The Lord longs to be with you. The Lord never ignores you. He hears every cry and will never abandon you. He knows what breaks your heart, and WHO breaks your heart. He is the only one who can ever truly fulfill you and bring you joy.
He is love.

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Here's some miscellaneous fall pictures I am just getting around to. Hannah and her friend Laura's favorite pasttime.. playing and singing... a pic from the Spurs game we went to.. and of course, my beauties

I'm still alive over here. Busy with holiday-ness. And cooking. And baking. And gaining 12 pounds! Yikes. Need to cut down on the baking..
My first day of unemployment was wonderful. (Except for the going to the Dr part) After my blood was taken away, I got started on Christmas shopping, then grocery shopped, then baked 2 loaves of pumpkin spice bread. Again with the baking. Don't know what has gotten into me. I feel a compulsive need to make food all the time. Probably some psychological reason deep in the recesses of my convoluted mind.
And today I saw a leather journal that was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!?
Now a stupid book is making me emotional. Something is not right upstairs.
And why is it that there are 100 things I would like for Christmas, but no one ELSE (namely people who I need to buy for) seems to want anything?
I guess it's a true blessing that they're content and without need. :)

Have I mentioned how glad I am to be home for the holidays? Thank you Lord for loving me like that.

Had a great time tonight with The Banglesdorfs and our pastors, the Champions. First at the hockey game, and then at the Banglesdorfs incredible new home in Cimarron. Absolutely stunning.
I love those people, and am so blessed to have them in my life. So grateful to be in this season and out of the last one.

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That last stupid post landed me an appointment to my doctors office. Me and my big mouth. .
Just mailed all my equipment back to California. Goodbye Google, it's been...interesting. Wouldn't trade the experience though. I learned alot, and grew alot. And I really enjoyed being 'the Google girl' around town.

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About to do my last shoot for Google.

My next project is trying to track down my blood type so I can see whether I'm a potential kidney donor for my mom. Going to visit the doc who did all my surgeries, then maybe the hospitals. Someone has to know.

My asthma is completely out of control. My asthma doc has tried everything, and nothing works on me. And while I'm complaining about my health, what is the deal with having to pee constantly?? I wake up in the middle of the night, I have to go like every hour during the day, at the movies we have to go super early to get the seats in the middle where I can jump over the rail to go in the middle of the movie without disturbing anyone. And I'm thirsty all the time. Though I don't drink constantly, cause when I do, I literally have to go every few minutes. The other day it was ridiculous, 5 minutes in-between !! Guess I'm no spring chicken anymore. .

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Job is over

So today I got an email stating that Austin was going to be considered finished on Friday. And we needed to wrap it up this week and ship our gear back at the end of the week. Wow. That was kind of a shock considering it was supposed to be 4-6 months, and it's only been 2. I was upset for a moment until I realized I get to spend my birthday, and the holidays, home with my family. :)
Money will be tight and I will have to get another job in January, but I get to enjoy the holidays. And for that I am very grateful.
God is good, all the time.

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When God told Adam and Eve not to eat the fruit, it was totally a test to see if they would be obedient. A test He knew they would fail. But why? God sets up the laws and rules for our good. But there are tons of people like me who think they know better. How are we made to be so arrogant? What made/makes me think I can get away with anything? Sure I was/am forgiven. But the consequences we live out everyday are what kills us. He knows the pain and the toll it takes on our lives, to live against His word. Which is why He cautions us against it. It's like when you tell your toddler not to touch the stove cause it's hot, but he touches it anyway and is burned. We as a parent aren't mad at him, we mourn for the pain he is in and wishes he would have just been obedient in the first place so he wouldn't be in this situation.
But we have been failing this test since day 1 in the garden. How do we have any hope of conquering it? No one has succeeded but Jesus. So then is every day just a sliding scale of how badly we screw up? Why is playing by the rules so incredibly difficult for some of us? It seems to go against our very nature of a created being.
I meet people all the time who are content where they are and actually Desire to be told what to do and what the rules are. It simply boggles my mind. I can't even comprehend their attitude. Is our DNA really that different?
Don't get me wrong, I have become a very humbled and submitted woman over the last year and a half. I've screwed up royally and have handed over the reigns. But someday I may get them back and what if my old, rebellious nature returns? What happens on the day that I'm not feeling like pond scum? When I get some self esteem back? When my boldness and confidence returns? When I have forgiven myself? If that day ever comes, what then?
Will I be a new creation? Will I have learned to not 'touch the stove' because He says so?
I have to believe that I will.
( just to clarify - I will NEVER do what I did, again. I am mainly referring to day to day obedience and attitude adjustments. ) (I may be an idiot, but I'm not incapable of learning from my mistakes)
:)

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This Thanksgiving weekend was one of my favorites. Quality time is one of my love languages, and I got to spend lots of time with my family. A close second was the year we took off with our much younger girls and ran away from Thanksgiving and headed to the hills; of Arkansas. Our families weren't pleased but Josh and I made some lasting memories as a young family. We even got chased across the state by a tornado.

I really don't care much about the food involved in this holiday, but I love having an excuse for a big ole dinner party :) And having 5 days off in a row wasn't too shabby either. I've always taken that part for granted.
I start easing back into the photog life tomorrow by running production cameras in 2 of the services. I am actually running camera 1 in the main auditorium during the 5 o'clock service. Never done that.
Josh is already snoring. It amazes me how fast he can fall asleep. Takes me forever.
I figured out how to make 3 new things this weekend. . Pumpkin spice bread, cream turkey, and carrot cake. And according to the consumers, and myself, they were absolutely wonderful. Josh said the carrot cake was one of the best he's ever had. (that's his favorite cake) I'm pretty proud of myself for being so domestic :)
Who'd have guessed I had it in me?

The girls and I went shopping today and came across some killer deals on some clothes for them. And we didn't even have to get up pre dawn!
Josh built guitar amps all day.

Yesterday, as you know, Josh and I went to San Antonio for the Spurs game. Well the girls stayed home and their 'big brothers' came over to hang out and watch the game on tv with them! The girls were so excited to have them over while we were gone and those boys earned some serious brownie points with me. Thank you Michael, Chase and Chris. You guys are the best of the best.
We love on these guys, and try to pour into their lives, and times like these, we get to see the fruit. :)
Well, enough of my blog rambling, I'm going to bed. GN

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Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world!

I hope you had fun today. I enjoyed going to the Spurs game with you tonight :)

 

Thanksgiving lunch was fabulous. It was so good to have my aunt, uncle and cousin over, who I haven't seen in several years. For the reason of purely having family get togethers, I wish there were more Thanksgiving type holidays throughout the year. I love this picture. It makes me happy.

Michael is home for Thanksgiving. We've got one more happy girl there in the middle watching the Spurs game :)

You know how when your seatbelt locks you in, for some reason or another and you buck and twist wildly to get out of it, only it doesn't release you until you calm down and be still? Yeah. I love that. It happened to me this morning. And it reminded me of how I've been held so tightly these last 18 months. I have felt safe, and secure, and loved. I have been fought for. I have been held together when I wasn't coherent enough to know what was best for me. And honestly, once I settled down and the grip slowly loosened, I kinda missed that secure feeling.
Yeah, I love my seatbelt.

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Sitting in between two male guitar players watching the Spurs/Magic game. You'd think they were the coaches. Pretty stinkin funny listening to them yell at the tv. Their commentating is the reason I'm up here. Pure entertainment.

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So I'm having 18 family members over for Thanksgiving. Josh and I just spent 18 minutes arguing about how big a turkey we needed at HEB. We kissed for 18 seconds afterwards to make up. (Ok, so the last two 18's are fictitious), (only in number though). We ended up buying a large turkey, and another large turkey breast and a small ham. Hopefully it's enough meat. I'm currently trying out a recipe for pumpkin spice bread, and I must say my house smells delicious. I do wish I didn't have to work Monday and Tuesday so I could stay home and play.
For the first time in like forever, I didn't make it to Junior Leagues Christmas Affair this week. That's a bummer. I love getting a jump on my shopping at that event. As of now, I have bought.. nothing. Too busy with birthdays and Thanksgiving. Josh's is Friday. I'm taking him to the Spurs/Mavericks game Friday night.., that should be fun. This is my favorite time of year. I know, it's most peoples too. But we also get all 4 of our birthdays in the 2 months before Christmas; so that makes it extra special. Birthdays are a big deal around here. The birthday boy/girl gets to pick what we do all day long; including where to eat every meal. Plus, lots of presents and cakes, and parties (sometimes). It's always a fun day for all of us. I love that about our family.
Gotta go cook dinner...

At Nana & Papas

Happy 14th Birthday to my beautiful baby girl Hannah!

I think I'm finally adjusting to this working full time business. I quit throwing tantrums and just dug in and tried to find the good in it. Plus it has gotten easier, either that or I'm just getting better. I've gotten used to less sleep, less time, and more stress. And I kinda actually almost like my job this week. I've met some amazing people. Today I met a guy from New Zealand with the most beautiful accent. He told me stories of being shot at in Mozambique. Another man, this one Pakistani, offered to be my boyfriend and travel with me, and I met a wonderful restaurant owner who now feels like a family friend; we've already had two meals together! (the 2nd one was with Josh, don't worry) Plus, I get to be out enjoying the beautiful weather, as opposed to inside in some office. I don't have a boss crawling down my neck.. (I don't even think I have a boss, now that I think about it, at least not one I've ever met..) And, the best part? - every day is different.
Maybe God actually does know what I need, even when I don't. Yeah, He's amazing like that.

"Don't retreat, reload!" - Sarah Palin

I love that quote. It is oh so applicable in soo many areas. The first time I heard it, I was like, Yes! That is truth, plain and simple.

Today was a good day. I'm ahead at work, I'm still in my favorite neighborhood, Josh came down to have lunch with me, then I got to spend the evening with my fabulous first born. Only thing missing today was my Hannah, but she was real busy with school and then music rehearsal, so it's all good.
I'm having lots of family over for Thanksgiving, my biggest group yet. Anyone have any stellar recipes for spectacular sides? Or how about a recipe for pumpkin spice bread? I've been wanting to make some..

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Ok, I just read that last post And it sounded like a whiny, spoiled, pity party throwing brat. That was not my intent, I'm sorry.
I am incredibly thankful for my wonderful family, and my job, and my church, and our wonderful loving God who has already forgiven every mistake I will ever make. And chooses to love me anyway. And may even have plans for me that I can't even fathom yet. I am a grateful, humbled woman.
You guys all have a blessed day, and really live today. It's the only November 15, 2010 you'll ever have.
Make an impact, no matter how small it may seem to you. It's contagious

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Yes, I've slacked on updating the last few days, been really busy. Tis the season. I'll try to do better.
I haven't had lunch or dinner or anything with ANY of my friends since I started this job. If I keep this up I won't even have any left when I'm done. When you're retreating from social interaction, that's a really bad sign of emotional un-health. I don't even know if that's a word. But you get my drift. I'm depressed. And I'm not taking anyone with me. I wish so badly I could shake this. I just don't know how..
On Sunday, during the sermon on grace, one of our counseling pastors leaned over and whispered that this one was for me. It was about being a favored hero after massive sin. It is all because of grace. While I don't doubt the truthfullness of the story or her gesture, I do doubt the reality as it pertains to me. At least as long as I'm here. It would be quite another story if I were to move and start fresh. Even then I, myself, would probably be the obstacle. Despite numerous attempts, I just don't know that I will ever forgive myself. I feel like I need to be supermom and superwife for the rest of my days to even attempt to make up for failing my family. And that, along with working full time to help provide for the family, is taking up all of my time. The thought of actually doing anything with my life outside of those duties is just outside my vision and ability right now.

I have disqualified myself from saving the world. Someone else is gonna have to do it.

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Got a new zipcode today :)
In Tarrytown, and loving it !

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Update: I'm at home while they work this out. Got the rest of the day off :)

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So the way we shoot these businesses, is kinda like in zones. And we can't move to the next one until this one is done. Well since I finished quickly I was assigned to go do this particularly bad section of East Austin that no one had done yet. Yesterday afternoon I did a preliminary drive thru to check it out, then went back this morning. I wasn't there half an hour before I was in tears. Scared. I stop my car to check my map, and I'm approached. Don't know what they were selling, but I didn't want any. And the place they wanted me to start with had drug dealers or gang members on every corner. Right. And I'm supposed to wave around this expensive camera equipment on a tripod and NOT get hassled? I think not. I even saw a prostitute! In the middle of the day! There are people just roaming the streets, watching my every move. So I refused the zipcode and left. If they fire me it's their loss. My stats are superb according to my lead. But there's just no reason to put myself in harms way to shoot these places. I mean, I know I could die on the west side just like the young man who was hit by a car and killed while putting out church signs on Sunday morning. I mean I work in traffic every day. It's a risk. But why on earth would I willingly triple my risk and go against my instinct to not stop my car? They're currently discussing my situation in California while I calm myself down and take an extra long lunch.
I'll let you know what happens.
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p.s. Just found this , the murder took place a few miles south of where I was ..

http://www.news8austin.com/content/top_stories/275108/victim-fatally-shot-near-bus-stop-in-east-austin
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'Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight'

Well, I found a way to decrease productivity! Right after I typed that, I was shooting a business and the parking lot was not level and my ankle turned and I fell and landed on my knee, and my hand and hip. Tore up my pants and shoes, and my knee. But I saved the gear this time! I hobbled through that shoot after cleaning up the blood, then went to HEB for first aid supplies then finished up the rest of my shoots before calling it quits for the day.
I am such a freakin klutz..

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Laying down in my office, (aka, my car) trying to rest my back for a minute. I think I must have hurt it because I am in horrible pain.
Good news is, it's Friday! And I have worked my way closer to home. I am currently next to the Domain. I've come a long way since Bee Caves. Of course that also means this job isn't going to last as long as I thought it was. I'm too efficient. I'm trying hard to be less efficient, but it's just not in me. Maybe laying down for ten minutes between every shoot to rest my back will help decrease productivity.
Ha. I joke. Kinda.

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Today started off pretty great. I called in sick because 1. I wasn't feeling well, 2. the weather, and 3. I had alot I needed to get done. So after sleeping late, running all my errands, and making chili for dinner in the crockpot.. it seemed like it was going to be a really great day. Until I found out my mom has stage 4 renal failure and has to get on the transplant list. I feel certain she will get a kidney (or 2), because she is young, and she did nothing to cause this. But I would like it to be quick. So please join me in prayer for a high placement on the list, and a donor.
Thanks guys. And gals.

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So René just called to find out when this gig is up cause she needed me to go to Yuma to shoot a plane. I soo wanted to go, that would have been so much more fun. I miss those days where I could just say yes and go.
But no, I get to stay here where there was a double murder this morning on the street I'm shooting on and then eat lunch alone, and now it looks as though storms are rolling in. Oh goodie. My first 2 panoramic shots of each business are outdoors. And the gear can't get wet. I love my job!

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We had a good time at the Allens Halloween party last night. We go every year to help out. Met a new intern, who is really cute, right Jordan?? I think she spent most of the evening hanging out with him.
 Then, as if we weren't tired enough, we had Chase over to watch the World Series game. He is a great young man. He is our new adopted son, since we lost Michael to Baylor. He comes over alot and watches sports and builds things with Josh. He's coming over again tonight for dinner and game 5.
Work is mostly boring, which is why I don't talk about it much. And it pretty much is boring me to death. If that really is possible.
Jordan is in a competition of sorts with a different friendboy named Collin. Who can get their license first? My money is on him, just cause he's practiced parallel parking and J hasn't yet. We're down to just a couple more weeks of drive time. He went ice skating with Jordan and some of her best girlfriends the other night. He is always the only boy around when it comes to Jordan. He's another great kid.

 

                                                                                 Next on the birthday list is the always cool, and talented, Miss Hannah...then Josh, then me, then Christmas :) 

Fall is my favorite time of year

I am completely addicted to smoothies.
There are worse things.

Family birthday celebration at nanas and papas

Happy 17th to my beautiful fabulous firstborn. I hope you enjoyed today my love.
Love those boots!

Just got home from church, and now there's a room full of guys watching, not the World Series, but the Spurs opening game of the season. I love these boys..

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Oh, the places you'll go..

So I think I figured out the emotions behind the hair. I was listening to a song on the way home from work, and it occurred to me, that blonde was my victory color. Well, more like my survival color. And I haven't gotten into any trouble as a blonde. Funny enough.
But as an "auburn"?, well that just brings back memories. I've been this color before. It's the color I left behind over a year ago, to become a blonde.
I know, it's just hair. But ones hair speaks volumes. Even to myself, when I look in the mirror.

This is a pic of my daddy from a few months ago when he was here for my brothers doctorate graduation

Ok, I already miss my blonde. I think I'm gonna cycle back around to it next spring. It's the closest to my real color as I've ever had, except for.. My.. Real.. Color. Yeah. Soo even my eyebrows are like dark blonde. And they kinda look weird with this dark red hair. Maybe I'm just being sentimental..
I AM a girl..
In other girl news, I bought some skinny khakis today at Nordstrom rack. I really like that store. I have grown tired of wearing dress pants everyday and my only other choice is khakis (yuck), so today I found some skinny jean style khakis (who knew those existed??) on clearance for $16!

On Thursday, my first born child will be 17. I just can't believe it. That sounds so old. I remember holding her in the hospital and looking down into those big blue eyes. And now she's almost a grown up. Seems unreal that so much time could have passed. I am so grateful to have been able to stay home with them all that time. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just wish it could have lasted a couple more years. I miss my girls so much.
Hannah is officially taking piano lessons, even though she's already so good. She's gonna sit in during practice with the youth band tomorrow night, and she's very excited. She has been singing almost every week now, in youth, and every few weeks in adult services. And she'd like to also eventually get in the piano rotation. I am so proud and amazed by her.
I have to get to sleep, full day of shoots tomorrow..
GN
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So there it is, sucky picture, yes, but it's hard to take your own picture! and no one is here to help.. Soo, I'll get a better one later, but you get the general idea of the color. Not blonde. It will become less red, and more brown over time. It's just hard to cover blonde.

Today is my last day as a blonde. It's been over a year and 4 months since the color change that, not coincidentally, coincided with my life change.
That's a long time for me. Plus, I screwed up my hair last night trying to touch up my own roots.. So time for a change! I'm ready. The blonde got me through a rough time and I will remember it fondly. And probably return to it someday. But for now I need to get back to something a little more natural. If I can remember what that is..
Thank you for your time, this urgent hair update was brought to you by G**gle Maps. Now back to my regularly scheduled shoots.

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There's a helicopter following me. The gig is up. Everyone knows that G**gle is really a front for the CIA. They found me out..

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Don't let anyone ever tell you there's no crying in photography. Cause there is. Only one melt down today. And it was mine.

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Wow, that bad huh? That's ok, I like them and they make me happy. I've been working for 3 whole weeks and one day. Isn't there an official holiday coming anytime soon? I guess not until Thanksgiving, huh? Boo. How do you working women do this every day? I do admit though, the extra income is much needed and almost worth it. But my kids and house need me.
Josh said I could quit. That was so sweet. But I won't. It was nice to hear though. What a different person I am today, compared to a year ago. I worked a full time job, came home, made dinner, made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, did dishes, and hung out with my family. Doesn't even sound like me. Jordan says I've changed alot. She described how I used to be. It was sad. I told her I was just depressed. Funny thing is, I still am, it's just evolved and taken a different form. This one's much more productive.

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okay, here's round one, let me know what you think of these 2 arrangements. Very similar I know, but working with the same bunch of flowers.. Also, tell me what you would expect to/or be willing to pay for, an arrangement like this, then I'll tell you how much they cost to make. (They're all real flowers and greenery planted in florist foam)

I did a shoot at a florist today. Totally fell in love with the place. The flowers, the smell, the cut stems on the ground, it enveloped me. I want to do that. I have been saying it for years, but tomorrow I'm gonna try it. I just need a few supplies, and then I'm gonna start making arrangements for my house to start with, and see how I like it. Or if I'm even good at it. Of course I will photograph the results and you can tell me what you think. Even if it's, " wow, Shileen, that's ugly and boring", all feedback will be appreciated.
I need to find a real flower market and a source for unusual vases...

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It's 10pm, and I'm still not home yet. I miss my house. Got called to shoot the ladies event at church last minute, right after work. Now at dinner. It's actually cold outside.
Captain obvious, I know..

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My fire has burned out

I am sooo over this G**gle gig. I am thankful for work, don't get me wrong. But I didn't get to talk to anyone today. It was silence 90 percent of the time. Aside from introducing myself to the owners, my vocal chords have been on hiatus. No bueno para mi. I miss people. I'm becoming anti-social. I'm sooo lonely. But by the time I get home, I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone outside of my family. It's draining.
But, I'm gonna go drag my whiney butt to church now.

Dave Ohlerking

My hero, and a true legend, died tonight. He had just gotten off the plane in his beloved Africa. I still don't know what happened. I saw pictures just hours earlier of him in the airport. He and his wife are the founders of Childrens Cup, the organization we partner with in Africa. He is a missionary hero to me. The stories he has would rock your world. He has a book called 'Walk with Me' you should read about his work all over the globe, it will inspire you.
I love this man; he was my hero. Please pray for his wife Jean, and all of their family grieving tonight. The world has experienced a great loss, but heaven is welcoming a hero.

'the silence is slowly, killing me..'

'oh baby, I need you now..'

Week 1 complete. I am sooo excited to sleep in tomorrow; And then spend the day with my family that I have missed so much the last 2 weeks.

This afternoon at this one store, I had just finished a shoot and I was over in a corner tearing down and I turned around after packing up my gear, and saw these smiling faces watching me. They were just interested in what I was doing. It made me smile, so I grabbed my phone and snapped this. :)
I emailed it to them later from my phone and they were very grateful. They said they should put it on their website..

So I walked into this one store today and this college guy working there saw my google logo polo shirt (required) and when I introduced myself, he looked at me like I was the president. He thought I was the coolest thing ever. After I asked for his boss and told him why I was there, he immediately called the owner on the phone and exclaimed "google is here!!!" I was cracking up. Love the enthusiasm I sometimes get. If only they were all so happy to see me. My job might actually be more enjoyable.
Every muscle in my body hurts.
And the broken bone on top of my foot. And I either seriously bruised or hurt my finger joint today. And my allergies exploded today. Headache won't quit.
But guess what?!? Tomorrow's Friday !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Everyone's watching, to see what you will do. 

Everyone's looking at you, oh.."

That is the soundtrack playing in my head in most places. When i walk back around a corner i can hear them talking about me and what I'm doing. You really meet some strange people walking into random businesses in Austin. I've met some seriously sweet ones and some seriously strange ones.   And despite meeting new people every few minutes, it's a very lonely job. 

"The people I meet, always go their separate ways.."

I really am out there on my own. I have  a guy on the other end of my Gchat line in California, if I have a question, but mostly it's just me. I don't like that aspect. I'd rather at least have a partner or something. There are 5 of us in Austin, but we're all in different quadrants so we'll never run into each other. Haven't seen or heard from them since California. I don't get home until around 6:15, so there's only a few precious evening hours to get everything done. I don't like that at all. I feel so out of touch and it's only been 3 days. I guess I'll get used to it. 

I taught a sweet old man how to use his google business page today. That was really cool. Met another who didn't even have a computer. And another wearing a fake handlebar mustache.    Hard not to look and continue our convo with a straight face. And then there was the comedic jeweler who wanted me to stay a while so he could pitch me all his ad ideas for me to pass to Google (um, yeah sure, I'll get right on it).  

At least my job is never the same day twice. 

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I'm still alive. Work is exhausting. I'm sure you all know that. I get it. I'm not loving this if I'm being honest. My house is a mess. I'm tired and I have a headache, so I'll post a longer update tomorrow, I promise. I love you all, thanks for checking on me.
2 days down, 148 ish to go?..

I am so not ready for tomorrow. I haven't even had a chance to unpack. I had to run video this morning and shoot photos at the 10th anniversary carnival this evening. In between I decided on a brief nap. I was just too tired to function. I really needed a recovery day. But I'm just not going to get it. Maybe I can unpack and do laundry tomorrow night. And bills? Grocery shopping? Spending time with my family? When does all that fit in? My house is a disaster. I am not ready for this. My time will be micro managed via GPS checkins, so I won't really have any down time during the day, except for the required 1 hour lunch.
I am very nervous about my first shoots tomorrow. Not sure why. The excitement about the job is definitely gone, and reality has set in. This will be a long, hard, challenging, physically exhausting assignment. But I believe this was God sent, and he won't give us anything we can't handle, so I will be ok.
I'm just scared.

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Plane broke. They 'Rerouted' me to Atlanta. And the first flight out of here isn't until this evening. What do they do? Give me a couple of meal vouchers. Oh that will make up for the lost 8 hours. I had so much I needed to do to get ready for work Monday.
I am so frustrated. I should be home by now...

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You can't see it very well in this pic, but there's a creek running through the courtyard of our building here. It's beautiful.
I passed all my shoots, so I'm official now. We all went out tonight to celebrate.
I miss home. I don't fit in here. At all. And I'm so old, comparatively. Different lifestyle.
I just want to go home.

So I passed all of my morning photo shoots. I will find out tomorrow how I did on the afternoon ones. Not everyone passed the morning. I'd say about half of us. Tomorrow is round 2.
My back hurts. Bad. Tomorrow's gonna be tough. This gear is heavy and it has to be ON you or in your grasp at all times.
On a positive note - I'm being paid, I'm eating well, I haven't cooked, cleaned, or done laundry in 4 days, and I have a big comfy bed all to myself :)

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I am so completely exhausted. And we haven't even gotten to hell day. That would be tomorrow. So much to remember. And so much I can't talk about.
I must sleep.

Today was long. This job isn't gonna be as easy as I thought. It's also going to be alot more structured.
We have to pass 6 photo shoots over the course of the week to keep our job. The shoots have to pass their quality control department. He said no one has ever been through here and not failed at least one of the shoots.
The highlight of my day was riding the Google bikes around the parking lot. :)
Oh, and I got a Google car too.(for 3 of us to share) But we have to stay within 10 miles of our hotel. After we got out at 6 we headed straight for In-N-Out burgers. It was good, but certainly didn't live up to all the hype.
Oh, another highlight at one of the lunch cafeterias was this thing called Liquid universe or something. It was google Earth on steroids. It was a semicircle of flat screens so you're 'in' the program and you can fly anywhere you want with this little joystick. Then you can get down to street level or whatever and it's like you're there. VERY cool. I wanted one. But after about 5 minutes in it I started getting nauseous. As did the others.
I have to go study and write a sales pitch now. Goodnight.

Met some more new Google photogs on the shuttle from San Francisco to Mountain View. Then met some more from Austin in the lobby. We went to lunch and explored downtown Mtn View. Scoped out some future dinner locations. Then I went to the pool pictured below, but it was COLD. So went in the hot tub instead. Now I'm bored and waiting to meet up for dinner :) There is really nothing to do in this little town. I need a car..

Pilot did some zigzags and crazy turns so both sides of the plane could see Yellowstone

I just left Salt Lake City, Utah. Well I guess by the time you read this I'll be in San Francisco. I'm so tired. I'm not real perky after 4-5 hours sleep. The mountains here are really brown. For one of the first times ever, I didn't want to come on this trip. I am sad about leaving my family. I belong there. And I am beyond grateful that I have finally remembered this truth.

Worked at the travel agency today. Got my own email. Shileen@3Dcruiseandtravel.com , so call me or email me with all your travel needs! Please!!! :)

I got the job! After a 22 minute phone interview with a guy from Google last night, the agency called this morning and said Google would like to officially offer you the job!! Now the more in depth  background checks start and then I'm supposed to get my travel itinerary today or tomorrow.
Finally I can rest. For 4 days anyway.. :)

Today was pretty uneventful. I started job number 2 at the travel agency. I have a huge learning curve to get through there, but it's going to be fun.
I filled out a ton of paperwork for the Google job that I still don't have. They are now doing a DMV report, extensive background check, job history check, drug screen, lie detector test, ok I'm kidding about that one, but you'd think I was joining the CIA or something! And I still don't even know if I have it! They will get results and my full work up then do a phone interview this week if they still want me after finding all of my felony convictions (again, kidding).
Then, if I get the green light on Thursday 'ish', supposedly I am then booked on a flight out of here on Sunday for training that begins on Monday in Cali.
So now we wait. And pray that there isn't another Shileen Karnes out there getting into all sorts of trouble with the law. As opposed to my kinda trouble ;)
On a completely different topic, I have taken up cooking. I used to do it occasionally, but it was mainly Josh or take out. But for some reason I finally have taken an interest in it, and I'm having fun! I've actually been using my crock pot alot on busy days, and we haven't eaten out in over a week! This is huge for me. I've never been very Betty Crockerish. But my family and friends seem to really be enjoying my creations :)
If I start dressing bad or you see me buy a doily, somebody please just shoot me.

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Tomorrow is a big day. A beginning of another era. I'm going to work in the morning at the travel agency. We're doing a trial run this week as she is trying to decide whether to hire me or a good friend of hers who desperately wants the job. I'm kind of glad I'm not making any commitments with them before I find out more about the Google job this week.
I must say, I'm concerned about how everything's going to get done around here with me working. I'm going to have to get better at time management. Quickly.

It's all gonna be ok. I know it will.

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So I kind of think I got a job today. I'm not 100% certain, but I think I work for Google now. It is a 4-6 month contract job. If I accept the assignment at the meeting on Monday, then from what I understand I will be shipped to California promptly for training. I'm kind of fuzzy on the details, as you can see. But so is my recruiter. I'll know more Monday, but so far I'm pretty excited.

This week has been a bit strange. One of those weeks where you feel you're in an alternate universe.
Jordan has been driving everywhere... school,church, store, where ever we go pretty much. She has come soo far. She should have her license next month, right before her 17th birthday. That will be a big help, but also entirely frightening.
So yesterday I had a horrible time at the post office. I was mailing 300 and something calendars for Rene, (because these were the address rejects from the 2500 plus ones the printer shipped for us)..  anyway 300 calendars is alot. Heavy. Very Heavy. It was VERY hot also. I was in business attire after returning from a job interview and I was trying to load these 3 HEAVY boxes onto my little dolly. I could barely lift them. After a sweat filled 10 minutes, I loaded them, only to find the dolly wouldn't move. Too much weight. So one by one I carried them into the post office. Nearly killed myself. Finally on my last trip a man follows me and offers to help. I was grateful. At this point I'm sweating so bad, I had to take off my dress jacket, and was just wearing a little cami. I didn't care. Then I get up to the counter, and guess what? No auto meter. So I have to stamp every one by hand and not just one stamp, but 5!!! "You've got to be kidding?" was my reply. "Nope." was his.  A fellow customer was standing near me shaking his head. He smiled and said I wish I could help you stamp them, I really do, but I have to go. After considering the fact that it took 2 hours to affix the address labels to these things, and realizing it would take 4-5 to do the stamps, I decided to take them back home. So I flirted my way into him carrying them all out for me. He was a sweet man.(the customer, not the postal worker) When I got them BACK into the house,  I paid Hannah to do the stamping for me. :) I hate the post office. I hope they do go out of business (and the government doesn't bail them out.)

Tomorrow could be eventful on the job hunt. Waiting to hear back on 2 jobs, and one more VERY interesting possibility came about late this afternoon. I will divulge more tomorrow after I know more. :)
Oh who cares, I'll tell you, it's GOOGLE!!!! Don't know alot yet, just a message from a recruiter, but by the time I got the message a minute later, she was gone for the day.
Anticipating a good day. Believing God has my path laid out for me.

 

The calendar is finally out. Pretty cool. (For those that are new, I took all these pics.)
It's going to every general aviation airport in the United States.

'..I'm never gonna dance again, these guilty feet have got no rhythm .."

So after Sundays long, rambling post, I got to thinking, how hard hearted I've become. I really am a hurt, bitter, angry, disillusioned lady. When I went downtown for that outreach Saturday, I am ashamed to admit this, but my heart felt nothing. It didn't break for these people the way it should have. The way it did in Africa. Before.  Have I really lost it? That passion for humanity, loving those who need help? The possibility scares me. Later that day however, we passed a lady in a truck and she was covered in tattoos, had a butch haircut, and was smoking a cigarette. Josh commented on her appearance and I took a look and said that I thought it was just her defense mechanism. She had developed this hard exterior to protect herself. She is probably so severely hurt, that this is her only way to protect herself. And that deep deep deep deep down, she is a princess wanting to be rescued and proven wrong. I actually got a lump in my throat. Go figure.



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So the kids have disappeared, Josh and Chase are working on a guitar, and I am fighting to stay awake. Sundays are tiring, but when I take a nap, I can't get to sleep that night. I'm sitting on my bed with my laptop, and my pillow is calling out to me, taunting me to set down my laptop and close my weary eyes. But I will not succumb!!
I recently started a secret, pen name blog. You won't find it, so don't bother trying to look for it. My name isn't attached to it anywhere. You would have to know me REALLY well to find it. And don't ask, cause I won't tell you where it is either. This blog here has so many unknown(to me) readers that I do feel like I have to be very careful what is said. I will continue this blog here as my main blog, and the other is just bonus material for those who know me well enough to find it.
I want to always be an encouragement and a testimony to our loving, faithful God. He has rescued me from myself and redeemed me more times than I wish to remember. He has always come after me, no matter the depth of hell that I've gone to. He never let me go. And I want everyone here to see my full walk, from hell, to not just redemption, but to 100 fold blessing from where I started. I want my life to be a miraculous wonder, so that those caught in the pit of hell, can see first hand, that there is redemption. There is life after a royal failure. I have always been honest, and been an open book with you all. My affair shattered me and humbled me, and I am all about sharing my story.  However, I have graduated to the place of not always disclosing it right away anymore. Where as a year ago, I felt that every new conversation had to have a disclaimer attached, like , yeah, you can talk to me, but be warned, I was just awarded the scarlet 'A', so you may not want to risk an association. And now, I have met new people, that have no clue. And they may never. Unless we get to the point in our relationship where either the testimony is useful, or it's just the right time. Alot has changed over this year in that regard. But I will never be ashamed to tell my story or answer questions. You can always approach me and ask anything you want. I have learned alot, and would love to share my experiences.

I miss my old friends, I really do, but I don't know if they'd even recognize me anymore if they sat down to talk to me. I am not the same. I have forgotten how to be bold, and fearless.
I don't want to be seen anymore. I just want to disappear.  I'm content to just lurk in the shadows and just get by. Dreaming has been replaced with mere survival. How's that for truth for you? I obviously still have a long way to go in this process. Unless part of the reason for this whole season was to change part of my personality. Maybe in that case, I'm there! But I'm so bored with my current self, I wouldn't even be reading my own blog anymore.. I'm very surprised to see that you all are still here!
I really felt like I took a step out towards what I wanted, and then screwed it up so bad, that I will never try again. I don't ever want to feel that kind of pain again. I almost didn't make it. I just want to stick my head in the sand and hurry up and finish out this life. I had my shot, and I missed. Sucks to be me. Hmm. So there. Yeah, not so fast Satan. Maybe I'm like the energizer bunny. Yep, it keeps going, and going, and going..   They may say no, I say it's just a matter of time. I can outlast you. Who would have put money on me still being here, this time last year? Not many I'd bet. But I keep showing up, week after week, don't I? I'm not like the rest who disappear without a trace. I would have made a terrible spy, huh?
Yeah, I'm talking in circles and confusing the tar out of you, and you may be thinking, hmm, which one is she??  Yeah I'm both. Depends on the day, or even the hour ;) I'm a woman, that's how it goes.
But guess what?! You've kept me up another half hour... so thanks!!
:)

Here are just a few of the many pics I took at some of the serving outreaches our church did today. These are from the downtown homeless distribution and the round rock flood relief one. Celebration helped dozens of families clear out their homes this week. Being the hands and feet..
Josh, meanwhile, got a couple of our home projects done, before we all headed to his parents for his dad's birthday party and Texas game viewing.
I am so tired, I'm going to bed at 10 pm. Unheard of. I am getting old..

What a long day. Interview/meeting went very well this morning. We sat and chatted for 2 hours. I'm pretty sure she's gonna hire me, but she wants to talk to her business coach next week first. I think it's going to be a fun job, but, it's just not enough hours yet. So now I'm back to hunting for a part time job.
After the meeting I went over to the Cannons(flood victims) to see how I could help. It was worse than I thought it would be. You walk in and it's just mud. Everywhere. They're in the process of hauling out anything that could possibly be salvaged. But there's not much. They lost everything you can think of, computers, phones, pictures, books, etc.. Some stuff is being found and may be able to be saved. I worked all afternoon on rescuing pictures from broken and muddy frames, and drying them out. Also worked on trying to salvage some of Karey's comic book collection. They are all spread out in my garage drying. It may not seem like a big deal, but it's something that's left, when not much else is. At one point as I was leaving, their daughter Sharayah came running out of the house excited that she found a favorite pair of Converse in the mud. I took them and told her I would handwash them myself and get them back in shape. Poor kid was crying just minutes earlier because she had to load up her precious books that she loves so much, that were now ruined. She thinks there's nothing left of her possessions. I can't even imagine what they are dealing with emotionally. I mean, yes, as Christians we shouldn't be tied to our earthly belongings, but as a parent, who doesn't want to be surrounded, as we get older, by things of our past. Heirloom furniture, pictures of our heritage, our relatives, our kids baby pictures..                  
It's just devastating.
It has got me to thinking about making what they call a 5 minute box. If you had less than 5 minutes to get out of the house in an emergency, everything vital is in it. I guess you would have copies of your important documents, your passports, birth certificates, a selection of baby photos, or copies at least. Things you just can't imagine losing. Irreplaceables. That would be a hard box to make. Other than your family, which obviously wouldn't fit, what would you label as "can't live without" Other than pictures and passports and birth records, I guess everything else is pretty easily replaceable. My pictures on my harddrive would be lost. (I guess I need to make a monthly back up and stick it in the "box".) I suppose I would just lose all the countless photo albums and photo books, cause there's no way to fit them.  But I can replace the computer, my camera, my clothes, the furniture. I'm thinking  this box would also have to be fireproof and waterproof. Ok, now I'm just thinking out loud. Sorry.
I would miss my chair. And my huge globe, and my sword, and my large metal boat, and airplane. But I could walk away. Can't take them with you when you die anyway.
Ok, well now that I've totally uplifted your spirits, I'm gonna let you go.  I have alot of reading to do about the travel world because my soon to be boss has sent me a bazillion links on articles I should read.
GN

Got to listen to Fred Markert (a YWAM director) tonight. He was speaking on missions of course. So not cool to fire me up again. Just when I had managed to bury it deep, far far away.
I miss the crazy extraordinary moves of God, and the boldness you have when in a foreign country. I miss the live changing events. I miss doing something really real, and tangible.

I know, taking care of my family is real.
And more important than anything.

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183 was shut down this morning, now 1431!! That's a first! Our neighborhood is the detour..

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So the leaks -  looks like Hannah's ceiling leak is from the attic vent, which is right above her room. The sideways rain and wind must have lifted the cover and let the rain in. The attic isn't flooded, which is the good news. Only bad news is we need a different vent, more caulk, and some drywall replacement. As for the other leaks, they are window issues. Looks like they all need to be recaulked and some drywall replaced. Recaulking our second story windows above that driveway will be a challenge. But the drywall, Josh can handle. We've had to do that before when he fell through the floor of the attic.
We got off pretty good compared to some of our neighbors further down the creek. There is some benefit to living on a hill..

Stresssssed. but grateful.

 

Our Brushy 'Creek'

please pray for our dear friends who just bought their home... these are the same people I have posted about in the past whose son was in a horrible accident that nearly cost his life. And if you aren't from around here, please pray for this rain to stop!! Several church members lost their homes last night..

"Gina Schaffer Cannon Hate to have to post this on FB but the Cannons could use some prayers. Our house was destroyed in the flood in the middle of night. We have lost our cars, our phones, EVERYTHING. All of us and our kitties are safe @ my in-law's but we have a long road ahead. Won't be reachable until further notice...please just pray! Thx"

Ours is much less traumatic, but still a problem. We have several leaks, and I don't even know where to start..  Some of it appears to be coming from the attic, then down into Hannah's room. Josh says there's nothing he can do until it stops raining. I don't like that answer.

All is well in the Karnes house. Hannah is happily playing her grand piano. School is done for the day. It's raining like crazy, and I got to have lunch with my fabulous mom, and I have girls night tonight.

This weekend, I got to run camera in two different services. I graduated to the main sanctuary, due to an emergency need.( i.e., someone else didn't show up)  :) That was fun. I'm gaining some very valuable experience doing this. Oh, and governor Perry came to first service. That was cool worshiping in the front row with him.

I'm getting pretty excited about my job "discussion" thursday morning with the travel agency friend. I think I can help grow the business in the group travel area. I can just imagine planning adventure travel tours, humanitarian trips, mission trips, etc.. Hopefully she agrees. Then I would just need one more part time job for the time being.




Yesterday Josh and I went for a 4+ mile walk/jog on this new trail by our house. I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, but a few weeks ago while kickboxing with Josh I hurt the top of my foot. I thought it was just a bruise at first. But after this last adventure, I'm pretty sure it's not. May have a hairline fracture or something. Ouch. Dunno, a problem for another day.. it's not going anywhere.
            Sometime over the weekend we watched "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" with the girls, I had forgotten how funny it was. Great movie for families with teens. (some bad language)
            I'm sitting here in my study watching tropical storm Hermine do a drive by, and guess what, my window sill is wet. It's not supposed to be wet. The rain is supposed to be outside. ((sigh))